Ten Years Ago Today... WOW

 

November 5th, 2002

315,569,260 Seconds

5,259,487 Minutes

87,658 Hours

3,652 Days

120 Months

10 Years

1 Decade

That's long long it's been since my divorce has been final. 

Some of my friends that I've met in NC and GA don't even know that I was married before. It's definitely part of my past, and not something I'm ashamed of, but it's not something that comes up every day.

I can remember this day, ten years ago. It was full of tears, anguish, heartache, and the feeling that my life as over. In a way, it was true. The life that I had lived for 26 years was over, and a new chapter and a new me would emerge.

I put so much of myself into the last few months of my starter marriage, that I wasn't even true to myself. I was so afraid of losing my ex, and being alone for eternity, that I was grasping at anything I could to keep him around. He, being the oh-so-stellar guy that he was, allowed me to bend over backward, and led me on to believe that yes, the relationship that we had been building for ELEVEN years (yes, you read that correctly) could survive.

However, on November 5, 2002, just one year, five months, and three days after we said "I do" before our Church, our family, and our friends, it was all over. 

 

Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me" was the soundtrack to my divorce

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't wish a divorce upon my worst enemy. Granted, in order for a divorce to be hard on someone, they have to have a vested interest in being married, so I'm sure there are people who have been divorced who thought nothing about it. I'm not that kind of person. When I got married, I never expected to become a statistic and I never thought I'd have to ever say I was divorced.

It was the most difficult thing that I've ever had to endure. Even infertility, as awful as it is, doesn't compare to my divorce. Mainly, because I have Steve there with me to guide and support me through infertility, and we have a family. With my divorce, I was alone, uncertain, afraid, scared, and heart-broken. I didn't know how I'd survive it or how long it would take to get through everything.

With the help of my family and some amazing friends, I was able to somehow, manage to pick up the pieces and try to find some positives in my life. 

I was 14 when I met my ex. On my 15th birthday, he and I started dating, and since I wasn't 16 yet, he and I weren't allowed to go anywhere alone. My cousin Mary came with me on all dates as my chaperone (lol). When I finally reached 16, he and I were still together and able to do things without needing Mary (or another chaperone) with us.

My ex was the first person that I ever loved. He was the first and only person that I dated while in high school, and he went to school 30 minutes away. He was my first for everything, and when he asked me to marry him, there was no hesitation. Never in a million years did I think we wouldn't live happily ever after.

So in November of 2002, I was faced with the reality that I had never been on a date with anyone else. I had never dated really. I was 26 and felt like I had been frozen in time and suddenly defrosted and released to the hounds. It was scary.

But it was also FUN. 

Seriously. 

I have some of the best friends in the world, and they scooped me up into their arms and took care of me. They helped me forget about the bad things, and helped me focus on finding me.

It wasn't always easy, and there were times that I longed for the stability of all that I had ever known, but I had no choice but to move forward. I found it really hard to date. I knew immediately if I could see the person in my life as more than just a friend, and none of them had any lasting power. 

I met one guy who, let's just say, wasn't the smartest. He was cute, and I liked kissing him, but he and I would never be a we. He's the first person who actually said I was damaged goods. Yes, I'm serious. He literally called me damaged goods, oh, and the cherry on that convo was that he thought I was cute, but said I'd be totally hot if I lost like 80 pounds. Yep. That was the end of that relationship (and yet, he was clueless as to why I wouldn't talk to him anymore).

 
 Yikes. It was a harsh reality check, that yes, for the rest of my life, anytime I met someone that I was going to date more than once, I would have to tell them that I was married before. I never knew that it could be something that would leave me branded, and no one even knew my side of the story-- no one knew that I wasn't the one who cheated and decided to leave.

Then there was Dan. Oh Dan. He was so sweet and was just awesome. I liked him the minute I met him and he made my knees go weak. He gave me hope that maybe I could find love again. He and I were in different points in our lives (I was teaching and he was in a fraternity and still in college with no graduation date in sight). He told me he loved me on New Year's Eve 2002. I was smitten, but I played it cool. He and I dated for a long time. Almost a year, off and on. I think my issues with my ex, and not trusting anyone caused some problems for us. He and his ex were very friendly (too friendly and my radar went off about her being bad news). He accused me of cheating, when all I was doing was spending time with B (my roommate).

After living in my apartment (alone) for a year, when my lease was up in August of 2003, I moved in with Amy and Beckie. We lived next door to Krissy, Shannon, and Jess, and the six of us were inseparable.

My heart was slowly mending, and I was dating, enjoying life, and finding myself. But I was still looking for the one and not getting any younger. 

I'm not going to lie. I went through a bit of a CRAZY phase. In fact, when I think back to things I did, I'm scared for myself, and yet, at the time, nothing scared me.

I was stupid. (If I'm being honest with myself). I think I gave my mom an ulcer and to this day, I cannot forgive myself for the anguish I put her though during those crazy days.

I mean, I did some incredibly stupid things, and I know I have guardian angels and spirit guides, because they're the reason I'm not in a hundred pieces floating in the Hudson River. But I digress.

One Saturday, the girls and I went to see a psychic. We all made appointments with her and had back to back times. I was the first to go in, and it was incredible. She told me that I would meet the man that I would marry when I was 28 (This was September of 2003 and I was 27 about to turn 28). She told me that he worked with the earth and his last name was at the end of the alphabet. She said he was tall, blonde, and had blue eyes.

Hmmm... so I was thinking he'd be this Dutch farmer with the last name Van something. LOL. Every single time I met someone, I'd ask if their last name was Van something and if they were a farmer.

Then I met Steve. 

Swoon.

We met in February of 2004, online, and then had our first date in March of 2004. He was an environmental engineer (sustainability manager) and worked with the environment (ah ha!). He is 6'2 and has blonde hair (somewhat brown in the winter) and gorgeous blue eyes. When I met Steve for the first time, I literally KNEW he was the man I was going to marry.

I NEVER had that feeling with my ex. 

When Steve and I met, one of the things that drew me to him was that he too was married before. Both of us having starter marriages, has made our marriage incredibly strong. We have never fought about small things, and when we have had disagreements, we've always worked them out.

My divorce had caused some damage though, and it took Steve a lot of time and patience to "tear down my walls." He used to say (in a Reagan-esque way), "Cathy Kramer... TEAR DOWN THOSE WALLS!!!!" 

Thankfully, he had the patience and love to give me the time and space needed to work through issues, and has been a constant companion since the moment I met him.

Ten years ago today, if you had asked me where I thought my life would be in ten years, I never would have dreamed I'd be where I am today. 

I am so thankful that God had a plan for me (and still does), and that while the divorce was painful, it was crucial for me to get to where I am. I needed those months BS (before Steve) to experience life, live it to the fullest, do crazy (and stupid) things, and get as much living out of my system as possible. I had a GREAT time as a single lady, and I enjoyed the time spent with my SSR geals. 

When I met Steve, I was ready for him. I was finally where I needed to be to catch the boat that was setting sail into my future. Steve is my Love Boat Captain (nod to Pearl Jam), and has never steered us wrong.

I can't imagine what ten years from now will look like, but I pray that I'm as happy as I am today, and that my life is full of love and joy.

Ten years ago today, I never knew I'd be happier than ever in my life, and that I'd have the most tremndous partner by my side.

We're Moving!!!

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

In my life I love you more

 

What a GREAT song. Totally makes me cry when I listen to it!

 

So... Steve and I are moving!! It's been so hard to not be able to blog about it all! About a month ago (or so), he got a call from his head hunter (Eryn) and she told him about a potential job in Atlanta. He wasn't sure if it was something that he wanted to do or not, and decided to do some research on the company. He couldn't find ANYTHING. It's like top-secret. I call it The Skulls (like the movie).

Anyway, he was contacted by Eryn to do a phone screen a few weeks ago. He still wasn't sure if he was interested, and it was the best time to do an interview-- when you've got nothing to lose. The call went well... BETTER than well. He was actually interested in hearing more and was eager for more info.

 

The guy he talked to (P) was also interested, and told Steve that he wanted him to talk to his partner (B). So another phone screen was planned and Steve talked to B, and again, left the conversation wanting more. He sat back and hoped that Eryn would call with good news.

She did. She was super excited to report that both guys were really impressed with Steve and wanted to meet him and bring him to Atlanta to meet the rest of the team. He was going to be in MI speaking at Chrysler (keynote address) so they decided to fly him to Atlanta the Friday before his trip to MI. He flew for the day and came back that night.

 

Before his trip, P sent Steve a packet of info to look over, to familiarize himself with what the company does and to get and understanding of what they're looking for. He also talked to P on the phone before he flew down... P wanted to give him as much info as possible and to prepare him for the various interviews that he'd be having while there.

 

It was a GREAT trip. He loved the area, felt really good about all the conversations that he had throughout the day-long interview, and enjoyed talking to the CEO as well. He flew home and had a good feeling. So then we waited to hear from Eryn and see what insight she could give.

 

She called Steve to let him know that P called her after Steve left the building, and told her that he felt it went really well and that the team would be meeting to discuss Steve. We crossed our fingers and toes.

So that was like two weeks ago and Steve has been talking to Eryn and she gave him the news that they wanted to do a background check and reference check. All good signs. She finished her reference report this week and Steve got a verbal offer from P on Tuesday night. Then yesterday, while we were standing in the frozen food section of Harris Teeter, the written offer came through. We celebrated in the middle of the aisle!! :)

 

Steve accepted and then today, met with several people to let them know that he's leaving. Giving them his resignation letter wasn't easy, but we're super excited.

Now... to let the world (we told our families prior to releasing the info to others) know, I put Gus in a UGA onesie and took a picture of him. So coincidental that I had it... who knew that we'd be moving to GA when I bought it at a consignment shop!! I just got it because it was cute! Anyway, I took pictures of Gus and we announced our move on Facebook with a picture:

 

This caused a lot of questions about what he'd be doing and who he's working for. I'm going to post what he wrote and then I'll put it into my own words:

World 50 provides C-level executives from globally respected organizations a private, trusted peer forum for knowledge exchange on and exploration of issues senior-most executives find most critical to their businesses and careers. World 50 facilitates the sharing of ideas, best practices and collaborative discovery among many of the world's top executives and thought leaders from around the globe through real and virtual conversations on what works, does not and why. World 50 peer communities include: Marketing 50 (CMOs), Global 50 (divisional CEOs), Sustainability 50 (corporate social responsibility), Human Resource 50, Revenue 50 (Chief Commercial Officer), Supply Chain 50, Brand 50, Chief Executive 50, Enterprise 50 (CIOs) and other similar."

HUH?? So basically, he's going to be the Insights Director (whoo hoo) and working directly with Supply Chain 50 and Sustainability 50. There are Fortune 500 companies that belong to World50 and they basically come to World50 for support, guidance, help, and feedback. Then, World50 takes their needs and helps to facilitate the solutions to the clients.

So if company X has a need for something and they want info, they can go to World50, tell them what they want/need, and World50 will put them in touch with the people and answers to their problems. 

 

I've simplified it GREATLY... but that's it basically (I think). I keep calling it a "think tank" because that's what it is to me. Steve's job will be to work with the Sustainability50 and Supply Chain50 clients, find out what they need, and work to help them get their needs met. It's so vastly different from what he's been doing at Burt's Bees, but yet, makes perfect sense.

I'm most excited for him because this is the most perfect job for him. He LOVES to teach others, loves to speak at various events, goes all over the US to speak about what Burt's has been doing as far as sustainability goes, and loves to network and help connect others. He's been doing all these other things lately that have nothing to do with his passion. This job... is like a dream job for him. It's everything that he's wanted to do... it's a little bit of teaching, consulting, networking, and problem solving... and he gets to help others do this. He's not responsible for implementing these at the plant-level, or dealing with budget constraints, or clashes of philosophies. He gets to share his knowledge and be a supporter. It's INCREDIBLE.

 

So... he turned in his letter of resignation today. His last day with Burt's Bees will be Friday, October 14th. Then he starts at World50 on Monday, October 17th!

His first week on the job will take him to New York City for their fall session with their clients. He'll meet CEOs and BIG WIGS from the various Fortune 500 companies that are members of World50. All the while, he'll be looking out of the 51st floor of the Bank of America building, overlooking Central Park in the middle of peak fall colors. Could it get any better???

 

He'll be jet-setting all over the world for meetings and gatherings, as World50 has companies from all over the WORLD as members. Last week they were in Dublin for a meeting. Before that, Switzerland. :)

So what does that mean for our move? Well... Steve will leave for GA and Gus and I will stay here. He'll come here and fly back, and we'll drive down and see him and come back. He's got to get through his trip to NY and then figure out the run of things... and then we'll be going to GA some time in November to do some house-shopping. We'll start the mortgage process and have movers come and give us estimates on how much it'll cost to move us... and then probably between Thanksgiving and Christmas, we'll be able to close on a house there and make the move!!

 

So, Gus and I will be here for at least two months... and Steve will be here for two more weeks. I'm not thinking about him going... I'll have a break-down if I really think about it. We were apart for the first time when Gus was three-weeks old... and it lasted for over a month. I don't think this will be as bad because he'll be coming here and we'll be going there... and there will be an end in sight that's in our control.

For now, we're going to spend as much time as we can with our friends here and enjoy the time left in NC. 

 

My 35th year of life is going to be GREAT. Many changes and I'm eager to let go of a lot of things... as I said yesterday, change is good!!

 

My SIL Heather wins the prize for being the most intuitive with me... she read my blog and totally KNEW something was up. She's a smart cookie!!  ;)

Definitely stay tuned for updates, pictures, and videos of our new adventure!!

 

Oh-- and I've changed my email... I can't keep catwalkernc because I'm not going to be living in NC anymore! So I changed it... yep... to catwalkerga@gmail.com   I know- I'm so creative!! ;)  Make a note of it!!

Disappointment

I hate it when there's bad news. I can't go into too much detail, but I had my fingers and toes crossed for something and it isn't going to happen. I know I'm not the only one disappointed, but it still stinks. I guess it wasn't meant to be... and there's something else out there.

On another note, my parents came to visit for the holiday last week. It was wonderful to see them! It had been two months since they were here last and Gus has changed so much! Even as I type this, he's on the floor trying so hard to crawl! He is able to hold himself up with his front arms, and is pulling his knees up at the same time. He obviously doesn't have it down yet, but it's close! So much has changed in just a week!!

Steve's dad and Sue Ann are coming on Wednesday for the holiday and it'll be fun to see them react to Gus and how he's changed since September (when they last saw him). He's been a wiggle-worm lately and very squirmy!!!

While my parents were here we went to Apex and my dad took some pictures of me and Gus. All the pictures that I have are of Steve and Gus, so it's nice to have some of me and him. We also took him to the mall and he got his very first picture with Santa! It is the cutest picture and he drew quite a crowd with his happiness!!





That's it for now...
Until next time...
>^..^<

How things can change in just a little bit of time!

My track out went well, we went and saw Wicked and absolutely loved it! It's my favorite musical now!!

We went up north to visit my family from April 30th-May 5th and then we went to Indiana from the 5th-8th. While we were in MI my cousin Jessica called me to tell me that she worked with someone who had a niece that was 16 and pregnant. Then she told me that the 16 year-old had decided that she wanted to place her child for adoption, Jessica told them about us and directed them to our CAS profile, and they decided that they wanted us to adopt the baby. The birth mom was due on May 28th, and while we were up in MI and IN we looked into attorneys and whatnot because CAS doesn't do out of state adoptions.

Well... long story short (you can read the longer version on the Walker Blog), we were back in MI to meet our baby Gus. It's been a roller-coaster because his adoption hasn't been anything like I had expected. I have to keep my guard up because nothing is certain yet, and he could be taken back at any time.

We've been here in MI for three weeks today, and nothing has been filed. No interstate compact, and no custody termination has happened. The mail reason is that the birth father's mother was not aware of the pregnancy and wasn't made aware of the adoption until two days after Gus was born. She was very upset that she didn't know about anything. The birth father filled out his medical background form and said he was a registered Native American. With that, our attorney has to look into it as much as possible, because if he is in fact part NA, we'll have to go to the tribal leader and get permission for us to adopt Gus.

The paternal birth grandma has the paperwork and was going to fill it out again correctly, because she said the birth father messed up on the paperwork. So, we've been waiting three weeks for her to fill out the papers and she hasn't complied. Then last week she was going to fill it out and take it to her attorney... well, she never did, and apparently she told the attorney that when the form comes to terminate custody (the birth father is 17 and so he'll sign and his parent will also sign), she is refusing to sign it.

At this point I just want to go home. I've been living in a hotel for three weeks and have been away from home since April 30th. Steve had to fly home on Sunday and it only made it more difficult to be here. Now I'm here with just Gus and there's no end in sight for us to go home.

I'll post more later, but I just needed to write. I don't know how anyone can be a single parent-- this is the hardest thing that I've ever done. I wish I didn't love sleep as much as I do. I think the lack of sleep is the most difficult adjustment. And it's even worse without Steve here because at least we could switch on and off for feedings and changes... now it's just me.

Ahhhh... I need a nap.

Until next time!
>^..^<

Well time has gone by again without me realizing it!! So from the end of November (Thanksgiving) until now, we've had quite a few good things happen for me to share.

We are in the middle of our home study for CAS-- we should be done with the whole thing and on the waiting list by the end of February!! YAY!! We are so excited! I just hope that someone picks us!! Nothing like putting yourself out there and then not being picked!

I am tracked out right now... today is my first day! I absolutely love track out! I had an interview with Scholastic this afternoon for their Teachers Advisory Board for their Book Clubs. I think it went awesomely well! I will hear back from them by the end of January if I am selected! Keep your fingers crossed!!

I turned in my Teacher of the Year portfolio for Wake County last week. They're not due to the county until tomorrow, so between Monday and March, I should hear something! If I am selected I'll be in the top 24. From there they'll come and do a classroom observation and then if needed a personal interview and then they'll pick their top 12 and then the Wake County Teacher of the Year.

So... lots of great things happening for me. I'm very happy and blessed. It's always during these good times that I start to freak out a bit and wait for the bottom to drop and something bad to happen. Let's hope that things are good and will just stay this way!!

I'll write again soon... I promise. ;)

Until next time...
>^..^<

Where has the time gone???
I've started the 2009-2010 school year and so far I really like my class. I've had a lot of positive things said to me from the parents and even got a standing ovation after I finished my Open House (it was a first!). This is my tenth year of teaching, and yet it doesn't seem possible.
My business, Cat's Custom Classroom Creations has started to take off! I've had four orders placed online (from all over the U.S.) and then many people that I work with have placed orders for various items. It's been really exciting and fun, but a little stressful at the same time. There's only me working on this stuff, and I make everything by hand, so it takes a while to actually complete an order.
I'm about to track out on Friday!! WHOO HOO!! My mom and dad are coming down on Saturday and are staying for a week and then Steve and I are heading to Carolina Beach for a week. We've rented a beach house and are SO excited to get away for a week for our third anniversary.
Scott and Christie asked Steve and I to be the Godparents for LilyAnne... and we're super excited!! We're going to be going to the mitten in October for the Baptism and to visit Steve's family. His dad's wife Sue Ann was just diagnosed with breast cancer (again), so we're going to go up and see them and hope that by October things are better for her than they are now. We ask that you keep them in your prayers as they go through this ordeal together.
Enough from me for a while... I'll write again soon but I need to go to bed!!
Until next time...
>^..^<

Funk

So every now and again I get into this bad "funk" where I am overly negative, and see things through dark-colored glasses. Right now, I am on the edge of this funk and I am trying to stay positive to avoid going in.

Last night on our way home from Mexican, Cleveland decided to start acting up. Just before coming to a red light, Cleveland started making some strange noises. Loud enough that we could hear them over the radio. So we get to the light and then we smelled this awful smell... and then Cleveland decided to shut down. Then we saw a bunch of smoke coming from the right side (the passenger) of the car. Steve got out and checked under the hood, but it was too dark to see anything. As this was happening, it was pouring rain.

Steve got back inside, and turned the key and it started. We were able to get home without Cleveland stalling out. So we got up this morning and took him to the car place for them to do a quick analysis and they found that it's something with the air-conditioning. Apparently, when Steve turned on the defrost in the car last night, that's what caused the smoke and Cleveland to turn off. So... now we're waiting to see who is going to fix it. I just want to trade the damn thing in and get an Edge, but Steve wants to wait until we have a few more payments on Cleveland and have some money saved for the Edge. Leave it to him to be logical and whatnot... what fun is that? I can't wait to go and test drive one and have it be mine!!! :(

Then there's the issue of needing to get away for a vacation. When Steve got his Burt's award, he said we could use the money to go somewhere nice for our 3rd anniversary. Well... that's approaching in four months, and it'd be the right time to start planning, but now he says that we don't have the money. Sandals has a HUGE 60% off sale... it'd be wonderful to get away this July/August... when I'll really need it. When I asked about the award money he said we used it to pay off bills. :( No vacation for me I guess.

Then there's the whole baby issue. I've been on my new medication for about a month and thought it was all going great. Not really... the same problems as before and I still don't think I am ovulating. I just found out that one of my sorority sisters is pregnant-- while I am super happy for her, I am still upset for myself. It seems like all the people that I know that have had problems getting pregnant... the ones that I can say, "At least I'm not the only one" are all getting pregnant. So now it's down to Mindy and Andrea as the only two left with me. I just fear that it'll never happen for us. AHHHHHH!!!

So that's about it from me. I am just in a rotten mood. On the positive, I got my hair done today. It's much lighter-- AND soooo long! I'll use Steve's camera and take some pictures and post them on my Fb and Myspace for anyone that's interested in seeing my new do!!

Until next time...
>^..^<

Sedation Dentistry

Okay, so not too long ago, Steve went to his dentist (Dr. Todd "Hot" Garcia) and was telling him that his wife (me) would like to come in for an appointment. Dr. Hot Garcia began asking Steve some questions about me and when Steve told him that I get really nervous about the dentist, Hot Garcia said, "Then don't send her to me. Nervous patients make ME nervous." So with that, he gave Steve the name of Dr. Rushin and told him to check out her website: http://www.endyourfear.com. So he came home, told me about it, and I went online to check it out.

I had my first appointment with them back in December. I think it was the 23rd-- right after I was out for the holiday break. We set my appointment for February 4th (which was yesterday). Now, a lot of my friends that I've told about this have said, "Oooh, you'll have to tell me how it goes. I've always been curious about it." Well, let me say that it was the best dentist appointment that I've ever had in my life.

As soon as I arrived, they had several heated blankets ready for me. I sat in the chair and they gave me blankets to warm me (it was chilly in the office). I had taken a tiny pill an hour before my arrival and when I got there-- I felt nothing from the pill. I was nervous as could be, and so they gave me some more pills to take. They laid my chair back, put on a heart monitor thingy and blood-pressure cuff and then gave me some protective glasses to wear (so nothing would get in my eyes during my procedure). I literally sat back, closed my eyes, and fell asleep.

Now, I was asleep, but I was awake enough to feel them give me the novocaine (which still hurt, but I didn't care), and then when they asked me to open wider, I could, and when they said to close my mouth, I could. So I was awake, but in a state of la-la land. It was wonderful!!

Steve picked me up and they had prescribed a Chic-Fil-A milkshake for me to drink on the way home (I had not had anything to eat since 7:30 the night before and he picked me up at 1:00). It was delicious, but I don't remember much more about it. I also had chicken nuggets and waffle fries, but I don't remember that either. I got home, took a Vicodin, and crashed until 5:30ish.

When I woke up, I felt great. I was a little hungry, but I felt wonderful. They ended up filling more than seven cavities (I know-- it's a lot-- but I hadn't been to the dentist since March of 2007 and he had a whole plan of treatment that would have taken forever to complete), and they did a cleaning. My mouth is as perfect today as it's going to be for a while.

What I liked the most is that they were able to do in one visit, what would normally take more than 10 visits to do. For people who fear the dentist, and have a lot of work to be done, it's the definite way to go. I am going to keep going back, but I don't think I'll need the sedation again for a long time. I can handle a cleaning.

:)
Until next time...
>^..^<

New Year, New Me Part 2

Well... it's almost been a week and things are going strong! I am very proud of myself for sticking to my guns and writing down EVERYTHING that I eat. It's been enlightening to see just how much sodium is in food! Obviously processed food has more, and I'm trying to steer clear of processed foods.

I've been able to do my Wii Fit each morning and Thursday I stayed home for my internal ultrasound appointment, and did the Dance Dance Revolution 2. Talk about buring up some calories! I was sweating like crazy!

Speaking of my appointment, it went well. I had a slight melt-down because I hadn't thought about what I'd do, or how I'd react if he found something bad (tumors, etc.). Steve had meetings all day and wasn't able to go with me, and I was really nervous. Fortunately, he said everything looked normal, and nothing stood out to him. He said that his best guess is that it's something hormonal.

I go tomorrow for my OB appointment. I am nervous about it because she'll have my blood results and his results and we'll be talking about what to do next. Hopefully she'll be able to prescribe me something to restart my system and get me ovulating.

Speaking of ovulating... I feel like now that I've got a good start to my new lifestyle, I want to focus on losing weight and getting healthy before trying to make a baby. Don't get me wrong, if it happens that'd be great, but I think I'd be a whole lot better off if I lost some weight first and just focused on that for a while. I get very fixated on certain things and then they drive me crazy. Trying to get pregnant has been one of those things, and I'm ready to move onto something more productive with my fixation. I'm going to give 100% effort to me... and my health... and then worry about pregnancy stuff later.

Steve is being very supportive about all of this. WHICH IS AMAZING! I am no longer drinking regular soda... and really, have only had soda twice and it was Coke Zero and Diet Coke both times- and he and I shared it. All the rest has been skim milk and a whole lot of water. I've found my cravings for sweets and sugars have kinda diminished and I am not eating as much as I used to. I hope to be able to report some great things as a result of all this soon!

I have a lot going on this week. Tomorrow I go to the OB for my post-blood and post-ultrasound appointment. I'll try to get on and post more about that tomorrow. Tuesday I have my mentor practicum class... and pray that I pass! Friday is the OG staff party and should be fun and then there's no school Monday! WHOO HOO!!

Keep me in your prayers!!!
Until next time...
>^..^<

Song: "I Don't Wanna Be In Love (Dancehall Anthem)" by Good Charlotte
Mood: Tired

Well... last time I wrote was almost two weeks ago. It's not like a whole lot has changed since then, but there have been some updates. First of all... I'm not sure about how I like working at my school. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE the people that I'm working with (which is a good change), but my principal is a whole different story.

She's the reason I am there. When I did my phone interview, I went into it with a very laid-back attitude because I didn't want to teach in a year-round school. I looked at the interview as a practice for the ones that I really wanted. After talking to my principal, I really started to consider the school. Then she called me... several times... to let me know that she was really excited to have me join her staff and she felt I'd make an outstanding addition. When we flew down for our house hunting, we toured the school and she was great.

So what happened? I'm not sure. Since starting she's been really weird to me and not friendly at all. I've talked to people about it (thinking it was something I did)... it's just how she is.

I had my first observation. I was very nervous... but I honestly felt the lesson went well. She called me into her office the next day and ripped me up one wall and down the other. She accused me of not teaching the curriculum (HELLO-- one of my degrees is Curriculum and Instruction and I ALWAYS make sure to follow the required curriculum!!!)... and then basically told me that the way that I was teaching guided reading was wrong. She said that in all the years that she's been in education, she's NEVER seen anyone teach guided reading like I did.

You might be asking... "What did you do that was so different?" Good question. I asked several people that I teach with... and they all do it the same way that I do. Katie (also new) even called her mom (a principal) and asked her mom and her mom said that it sounded good. So I don't know.

It's been disappointing. I really like the people that I teach with... but I don't think I can stay there another year. I'll stick it out through this year, but I don't know if I'll be back next year.

I told Steve that we need to get pregnant so I can have babies and stay home and raise them. I wasn't kidding.

Until next time...
>^..^<

Lab results:

I got my lab results today from my doctor. She said that everything came back normal. The only thing that wasn't normal was that I did not ovulate last month. Apparently, no egg was released... therefore, no period for me. She said to keep an eye on my period and if I don't have one this month to contact her and she'll give me progesterone to start my period.

So... it's a little bit weird for me. I keep asking, "why didn't I ovulate this month?" And now I am really hoping that I get my period this month. I also wonder if each month the ovary that releases an egg/eggs switches (like one month it's the left ovary and the next month it's the right). Does anyone know? If that's the case... I hope there's not a problem with that particular ovary!!

Anyway-- it's made me really want to start a family. I know we'll never be financially ready, but I'm not getting any younger and the desire for motherhood is growing stronger and stronger. So I send up a prayer that if it's meant to be, it'll be.

I got my hair done today. The girl that did my hair was really nice. She even gave me her business card and wrote her email for me and said to email her if I have any questions about the area or things to do. She said if I ever need something to talk to, just to give her a call. Like I said, she was really nice! She added lowlights and a few high-lights to my hair. I'm trying to get back to my roots (so-to-speak)... we'll see how easily done it is.

I think I might go to DSW tomorrow and get some shoes. Buying new shoes always puts a big smile on my face.

Enough from me. I just wanted to give the most recent info on my blood test. I was releived to know that my cholesterol and sugar levels were normal. One less thing to worry about.

Until next time...
>^..^<

Song: "Fat Lip"- Sum 41
Mood: Exhausted and slightly home-sick :(

So it was bound to happen eventually... I have gotten a slight case of home-sickness. I know it's normal and it'll pass eventually, but it struck me on my way home from my math training... and I started crying... and crying... and crying. And no, I am not PMSing ;)

I had my math training yesterday and today. It was at Stough Elementary and I'm interested to hear how many of you would pronounce the word "Stough." I said it to someone and was told that I was saying it incorrectly and didn't I know the grammar rules? Anyway...

Stough Elementary is quite a drive from Holly Springs! I hit major traffic both days in the morning. I don't know how Steve can handle it. I sat on 55 this morning for more than 45 minutes trying to get to US-1. I HATE traffic that doesn't move!!

The trainings were absolutely excellent!! I got to meet Katie (she'll be teaching 4th grade at Oak Grove this year also, but she's track 4) and I met some other people as well. The presenters were VERY young (like maybe 24 or 25 years-old) but they were awesome. Both have taught Math Trailblazers in their 4th grade classes for a few years and really know the program.

I am so excited to actually have a book and resources there for me to follow! I have a pacing guide and I feel like I can actually do this!!!

Yesterday when I got home I wasn't as excited about it all as I am today. Steve and I drove into Fuquay-Varina to get dinner (we went to our favorite Mexican place and had our less than $20 dinner) and then we went to Wal-Mart (errrr) and then Dairy Queen. It was a great evening, but it went by too fast.

I am excited to have ONE MORE DAY of vacation!! I plan on sleeping in tomorrow. Waking up at 6:15 is just not what I've been used to! I am excited to get into my classroom and work and get it organized. I got an email today from one of the other 4th grade teachers inviting me to lunch on Monday with some of the other 4th grade teachers. I'm excited to meet people!!

I think I am going to REALLY love Oak Grove. I LOVE Wake County Public School System so far. It's amazing that the teachers here REALLY take their jobs seriously. Everyone knows to follow the curriculum and uses the resources provided. It's so weird... Lincoln is like so tiny compared to WCPSS and the demand for teachers is non-existant in Michigan. The people teaching in LCS should be DAMN LUCKY to have jobs (considering how many people are qualified, excellent and looking) and yet... here in NC, there's such a demand and the expectations are SO MUCH MORE!!!

I think LCS needs to revamp everything. Just seeing how organized and disciplined things are here really makes me lose respect for Lincoln. Knowing the people that I was teaching with and the shit they got away with (leaving their rooms unattended... not planning lessons... leaving in the middle of the day to go shopping... showing movies all the time... playing on the computer instead of teaching... running copies whenever they wanted...) is INSANE.

I am so much happier in a district that values and holds the teachers to a very high standard. I guess that could be one reason why all the schools here are rated so highly and the schools in Lincoln just aren't. The teacher quality isn't there... and it's the fault of the administration.

Anyway-- tomorrow we go to take our driver's exams. I am very nervous about not passing and being stuck without a license!!! I want the protect our shores license plate... it's got a beach on it and it's SOOOO cute!!!

Until next time...
>^..^<

Song: "I'll Do For You"- Father MC
Mood: Overwhelmed

Have you ever had a moment where you just feel like there's SO much to do and you'll never get it all done? I feel like I need to freeze time and get stuff done, because there's not enough time in the day for me to do all that I need to do.

This is my summer vacation. From my last day of school until the end of this week... this is it. I'm torn because I have a MILLION things that must get done, but then I'm also disappointed because I want to just relax and enjoy my summer as much as I can. I know it's my own fault... I am the one that chose to go the year-round route, but I feel like I am getting the short-end of the stick when it comes to vacation. I'm sure it'll all pay off when I get three weeks of vacation that are much needed, but right now I just can't get a grip on how much I could use having until August to get all this stuff done!

I got another email from my student. She is absolutely the cutest thing ever. She told me about her weekend and how she went to a bowling birthday party and a sleepover. I am so excited to actually get back into the classroom and this little girl is a HUGE reason for that! I sometimes forget how much I absolutely love teaching. I can't think of anything better to do each day, than to spend it with kids.

Speaking of things to do all day... I have to go to an all-day teacher training tomorrow. It's not manditory, but it was suggested that I at least go for a little bit to see what they say. I am so lucky to have some teaching experience behind me. I'd be freaking out if I didn't have experience to help me.

I am nervous about teaching in a new school. I am not nervous about the kids, but I am nervous about the curriculum, the parents, the staff and expectations. I feel like I don't know what to expect. I guess I'll figure it out as I go, but I am a planner by nature, and I like to have a firm grip on things.

Steve said that he'd come in next week and help me set up my classroom. I am excited to have him there to help. When I was there last week I was asked if I had anyone to help and I said no. It was sad to think about doing all the set-up without any help or friends. Last year, Marcia Cannon came in to help me and in years prior, I've had my mom and other friends there to help.

Which leads me to another issue... no friends. I usually make friends easily and I hope once school starts I can make some new friends. Right now I feel sad because I don't know anyone here. I tried to contact the JC of Raleigh and got nothing back from the girl. Then I went online to contact the person from the Alumnae Club of Raleigh and still haven't heard anything. FRUSTRATING!!!!

Well... I have a million classroom books to categorize and put into my computer, so I am going to go. I did find some of my teaching stuff that I'll need for next week, so that's a good thing. I think I am going to try and get my social studies curriculum planned. We'll see... tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday I have trainings. Maybe Friday and this weekend I'll get the rest of these books done and I can get the social studies curriculum mapped out.

Heavy sigh...
Until next time,
>^..^<