A Month of Gratitude: Day 8

Day 8: Being a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom)

All joking aside (it's kind of a joke, but kinda true), I love staying home with the boys.

I don't think staying home is for everyone. Some women just do not feel good about leaving the workforce and feel like they must work to feel worthy. I'm all for people doing what's best for them, and it's not my place to judge what anyone else decides to do with their life.

I can only speak for myself, and I can say that before I made the decision to stay home with Gus, I was seriously on the fence. I really wasn't sure what I wanted to do and I feel like I was called to be a SAHM.

We were stuck in Michigan from the time Gus was born (May 11th, 2010) until July 11th, 2010. Two months of being forced to stay in the state of Michigan. I wavered back and forth on the pros and cons of working versus staying home. The hardest decision wasn't the income, it was leaving a job where I felt personally fulfilled, successful, and happy. I LOVED teaching and loved spending every day with kids.

When my principal started asking if I was going to return (I taught in a year-round system and the year was ending June 30th and a new one starting July 7th), I told her I had intended on returning but until I could leave Michigan, I couldn't give a definite answer. I felt like I had time to decide, but she sent me daily emails and voice messages asking if I had decided yet. She needed to find someone to replace me if I wasn't coming back. The state of Michigan was taking forever to allow us to come home, and I couldn't give her the answer that she needed.

Time got too close and I had to submit a resignation letter because I was not going to be in the state of North Carolina to begin the 2010-2011 school year. I was upset about it, but I was so focused on just getting home, that I didn't worry too much about it. Steve and I had been apart for nearly five weeks and I was exhausted from being the only person to take care of Gus while Steve was back in NC and I was in MI with Gus.

When we returned to NC on July 11th, I had a decision to make. Do I look for a job (possibly subbing) or just stay home?

Again, God had a plan for me. He made sure to let me know that I was called to stay home, and it was in a most profound way.

It was October and Gus was five months old. I was getting into the swing of things, but still yearned to be working with children in some way. It came as a sign-- an email from Career Builder with a job opening at Primrose (a daycare). Their Holly Springs location was slated to open and they'd need teachers to fill the teaching positions. I asked Steve about it and we found it to be an amazing opportunity! I could work there and get Gus in at a discounted rate. I could take him in with me and leave with him. It'd be so great! So I sent a letter of interest and my resume.

I got a call almost immediately and was asked if I could come in the next day to interview. Wendy watched Gus for me and I headed out to a different location for my interview.

Let me say that the woman was super nice and was very impressed with my resume. She commented that I had more education than she did and that I was more than qualified to run the school (I've got my MAEd in Administration and Supervision, my MAEd in K-12 Curriculum and Instruction, and my BS in Elementary Education and I am certified in NC).

She asked me about my teaching philosophy and asked about my career and it was very easy and relaxed. I was offered the job on the spot. It was going so well and we were engaging in casual conversation and the subject of Gus came up.

I found out through my own questions for her, that I'd be required to wear a uniform (khakis and Primrose shirts that I'd have to buy myself but was required to wear... hmmmm). I would have to work on the weekends occasionally and the work day was 7am-7pm. If there was a community event (parade or sponsoring a festival) I'd be required to attend. I'd be working year-round with no breaks except for the week between Christmas and New Year and the building wouldn't be opening until mid-January anyway, so I wouldn't even get that week off.

When she told me how much it'd be for Gus to attend (with my whopping 20% discount) I was shocked. It was like $1800 a month because he was under a year.

Surely with this info, I'd be making a ton of money right? No. She said she couldn't promise how much I'd make, since it'd be up to the owners to decide, but since I had a BS degree, I'd be making the top of the scale-- which was between $12 and $14 an hour. 

(INSERT FACE WITH JAW DROPPED HERE)

Then she started asking me some hypothetical questions. Two that I distinctly remember are:
1) Gus is in the office for whatever reason. You are walking by with your class and see him in there. What do you do?

My reply was that I'd go to him and find out what's going on. EEEEEEEEEEEE--- WRONG ANSWER

2) You're on your prep and supposed to be working on lesson plans, you come out of the planning lounge (yes, the only place that you're allowed to lesson plan is in this lounge) and you hear crying. It's Gus. He's sick. What do you do?

My reply was that I'd take him home. EEEEEEEEE--- WRONG ANSWER

She let me know that my priority would need to be my job and that I'd need to ignore him in the first scenario, and call Steve in the second.

NO EFFING WAY. That was it. It was at that exact moment (I still remember the moment of clarity as if it happened yesterday) that I knew I was not going back to work. My top priority was taking care of Gus and making sure that he's raised by someone that loves him, cares about it, teaches him, and raises him to be a good person.

She said she'd love to have me and if I wanted the job, I'd need to come in for a week of "shadowing" another teacher and I would then have to teach for a week and have the owners come in to observe me to make sure I was a good fit. 

Um... no. I taught for ten years. Was a mentor teacher for four, was a cooperating teacher for student teachers for two years, was grade chair, on the leadership team, my school's teacher of the year and a semi-finalist for county teacher of the year. Two Master's degrees and a BS... and you want me to be "judged and evaluated for worthiness" to be a daycare provider?!? A job that you don't need anything more than a high school diploma or GED to get? It was the final nail on that coffin and I shook my head, thanked her, and told her that I didn't think it'd be a good fit for me.

I walked out of there a changed woman. I was 100% confident in my conviction of being a SAHM. If I wasn't going to work for pay, I'd put all my effort into being the best SAHM that I could be.

There was too much to gain from staying home and too much to lose from working. 

Fast forward three years and I am loving being at home with the boys. Don't get me wrong, there are days that I am so exhausted and just want to sleep the day away, but I have two people that depend on me for everything. So I make each day the best that it can be.

Today is one of those days where I am so thankful to be staying home with the boys. Not only because I love that I don't have any stress in my life (it's amazing what stress-free living does for the soul), but because I am always available for what the boys need.

Hugh needs an appointment for this... I can take him. Gus needs to go here for that... I can take him. We've got a MOMS Club thing at this time, sure! Let's go!  It's awesome to just be able to go and do and enjoy.

Gus went to school with the rash on his back and neck and I got a call at 9:30am from the nurse that I'd need to come and get him. I called the pediatrician's office and got an 11:50 appointment. Got Hugh and we headed to get Gus. I didn't have to fret about asking permission from someone, I didn't have to stress about someone covering for me while I was gone. I didn't have to worry about what to do about Gus and Hugh after getting him from school. I just went and got him.

I am grateful that I have the luxury of staying home and being here for my boys. I don't have to share the role of mom with a sitter/nanny/daycare provider. It's just me. I'm #1 and I like it that way.

Here are some funny SAHM things that I found online that made me laugh:

In all reality, it's not always easy. In fact, most days it's hard. However, it's worth it. It's hard to never get a break. There are times when Steve comes home from work and the last thing I want to do is make dinner, because I've been dealing with shenanigans all day. Some days I just want to use the bathroom in peace. Some days I want to just got into my room and lay on my bed and take a quick nap, but I don't because I'm terrified that I'll fall into a deep sleep and something horrible will happen while I'm sleeping.

I live for the weekend because I finally get a break. I'm thankful that Steve allows me to sleep in on Saturdays. It's what keeps me going Sunday-Friday.

To Teach or Not To Teach? That IS the Question!!!

When I was little, I used to line up my stuffed animals and play school. I always loved acting like I was a teacher and it was always something that I wanted to do with my life. I had two three things I always wanted to be. 1) A mother  2) A teacher  3) A National Park Ranger (I blame my parents for that one-- vacations each summer and seeing our National Parks... it was awesome).

I did what my heart told me to do, and I went to school to become a teacher. I studied hard and graduated with high honors from both my undergraduate studies and both of my Master's programs. I enjoyed teaching elementary school and my students filled my life with so much joy.

I devoted an insane amount of time (and money) into my job vocation. I spent every Tuesday night staying late (like getting home after 8pm) so I could plan out my next week and get everything organized for the upcoming week. I emailed parents, I had a weekly newsletter that I worked really hard to make as informative and enjoyable for the parents, and I made sure to keep my classroom current and engaging.

When we moved from MI to NC it was a bit of a shock to go from traditional calendar to year-round. I finished teaching 5th graders on June 9th, 2007 and started teaching year round on July 7th, 20007. So much for a long summer vacation!

Teaching in the year-round school system had a lot of positives, but as a teacher, I had to move classrooms every six months. I mean tear everything down completely, pack every single thing up, and move my stuff to another room. This was the worst thing about teaching in a year-round school.

As a result, I never felt "at home" and never had the feeling of being comfortable. I had many teaching things that I left at home because it was too much trouble to move them every six months.

So when Gus came into our lives, I took a dramatic leave from teaching. I had not decided if I would be staying home with him or not, and I thought I had time to decide. I was tracked out (on vacation) when Gus happened, and so all my stuff was being stored in another person's classroom. I didn't know I wouldn't be returning to get my things (I had to stay in MI with Gus for two months... as a result, Steve had to go and pack up my classroom and bring ALL of my stuff home).

Because I never got to pack up my things myself, I don't know where a lot of my stuff went. I'm missing things that I'm pretty sure got left behind and will never be found again. 

When I couldn't come back to NC to start the next school year, my principal had no other choice but to ask me to terminate my employment so that she could hire someone in my place. The decision to leave the classroom happened without much consideration because I didn't have a choice. I HAD to stay in MI with Gus, and the school year started before I could come back.

Since my first few months of staying home, I've come to seriously love being a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom). Mainly, because of my involvement with my MOMS Club chapter. I have made some awesome friends, and Gus has friends to play with too. We have many events each week to attend and we're very busy, engaged, and happy.

So when the boys are both in school... what will I do? Do I go back to teaching? I am so torn about this decision. Steve says it's an easy YES. We're paying student loans for grad school and he wants me to have a job that pays me for my education. I get that. 

I also know that I want to be happy.

I was a different teacher before being a mom, than I would be if I go back to the classroom. I don't see kids as just kids, they're SOMEONE'S Gus/Hugh. That's someone's sweetness, someone's pride and joy. I never got that before becoming a mom. And trust me, I would have rolled my eyes and said, "You don't teach differently if you've got kids than if you don't." But now that I'm a mom, I know with 100% confidence, I would most certainly teach differently BECAUSE I am a mom.

 

I was never a big fan of standardized testing. When I taught in MI it wasn't a big deal and my kids took the MEAP (Michigan Education Assessment Plan) every October and it was important, but it wasn't everything. When I moved to NC, the EOGs (End of Grade tests) were NO JOKE. Teacher's received bonus money (ABC money it was called... and while my school earned ABC money we never got it because the state froze the system and never paid the teachers their bonus money). Parents were SO crazy about EOG prep... I had EOG clinics that I offered for weeks (yes, weeks... like two months) before the actual tests, so the kids could prepare. Everyone was fanatical about the importance of the EOG scores and what it meant for the reputation of the school. Talk about high pressure.

Part of me does NOT miss the stress that comes with being a teacher. Not only dealing with 25-30 kids and their needs, making sure each IEP was being followed and everyone was challenged and achieving, but also the parents and making sure that everyone was happy, and then dealing with fellow teachers (who never seemed to have the same passion and drive that I had, which always led to frustration and bitterness), and administration. It was a constant array of stress and never enough time, and feeling like you never did a good enough job. I don't miss that.

But, the truth is, I DO miss teaching. Especially after being on Pinterest and seeing so many GREAT ideas and thinking about how to incorporate them into my classroom (yes, the classroom that I don't have). I still get excited for back to school time... and I'm not teaching. 

When I took Gus into the schools to be tested for hearing and then for his Fulton County Schools testing and his IEP meeting, I was in three different elementary schools. Each one was different, but each had that same smell that you find in an elementary school. It's comforting and familiar, and made me miss teaching. Seriously miss it.

I want to do something useful with my life. I want to feel passionate about what I do for a living and I don't know if going back to the classroom is where I'm being called to go. Obviously, I have five years to figure it all out, but I can't help but wonder where I'll be five years from now. Will I be gearing up for going back to the classroom? It'll be eight years out of the classroom... almost the same amount of time I spent in the classroom. 

Right now, there's Common Core and I know NOTHING about it. I left in June of 2010 and it came out August of 2010. It's everywhere and I know nothing about it and I'm sure would be asked a lot about it in an interview. 

Obviously, I could and would do some research about it, or whatever the latest thing is... but do I REALLY want to deal with all that?


NO.


And YES.


The thing that really gets me excited... is adoption. I feel so much passion about adoption and sharing what I know with others. I'd love to work with an adoption agency, or even make profile books for hopeful adoptive parents. I'd love to teach others about my adoption experiences and share what I know and love. 


We'll see. I'll keep praying about it. I just know that right now... tonight, I MISS teaching. I miss having a classroom and I miss being Mrs. Walker to 25-30 kiddos who will forever have me in their memories as their teacher for a year. 


SIGH

But more than anything, I am delighted that I have five years before I have to think about this stuff. I have five years to enjoy being home with not an ounce of stress, other than mom-related stress. I love being a mom and staying home with my boys. 

In an ideal world, I'd be a SAHM even once they go to school. I'd love to be here when they come home from school, or be there to pick them up from school (and be able to avoid the dreaded bus). I'd love to be able to go on field trips, volunteer at school and give my time to their classrooms, and just be super present in their lives. They'll need me here even more when they're in middle school and high school. When they're in college, maybe that's when I'll go back to work.

Sounds good to me. Now I need to work on Steve and see if he'll go for that.  ;-)

A Year of Gratitude #102

 

A Year of Gratitude #101: 23 Months of Stress-Free Living

Stress-free??? Really??

ABSOLUTELY! When I tracked out in April of 2010, I had no idea how quickly my life would be changing. From the time that we were put on the official waiting list for our agency to the time we were matched was 33 days. That's it.

When we made the drive on May 10th, 2010 to meet Gus and his amazing birth family, we had no idea what we were in for, and how much our lives would be changing. I guess no one really knows how much a baby changes things until you've become a parent. 

Prior to my track out, I was stressed about so many things. Being April, I had to move my ENTIRE classroom into Laura's room (Laura was my track mate). I was so fortunate to have parents in my class who were willing to let their children stay to help me move, but also I had several who always came and helped me. Unless you've been through it, you cannot fathom how incredibly stressful it is to move EVERY THING out of your classroom and into another person's room. While track out is a glorious time (it's your vacation), when I had to move out of my room caused me the most stress (I had to move out of my classroom twice each year).

The one thing that I HATED most about year-round schools was that I had to move out of my classroom twice a year. With the amount of stuff that I have... it was always a nightmare.

Anyway, I moved all my stuff into Laura's room and left it for two weeks. The plan was to come into work that last week of vacation (because, yes, I was on vacation, but I was required so many work days... and people think teachers lounge on their vacations!). We found out about Gus during my second week and the beginning of my third week of track out (the week that I was to go in and work), was the week that he was born. The Monday of my last week of vacation (Monday, May 10th), I tried to meet with my principal so I could tell her face-to-face that we had a match and a baby was coming at the end of the month. She was too busy to meet with me.

I had lunch with friends (little did I know that it would be my very last lunch with the girls... childless), and then got my nails done, and headed to Durham to meet Steve for a baseball game. When the call came at 5:45 that C was in labor... our world flipped upside down and hasn't been the same for 23 months!!

There were two months of stress right after Gus was born. The not knowing if he'd be our baby or not was gut-wrenching. I cried and cried from being so scared that we'd be told that his birth mom and father had changed their minds. H's mom refused to sign papers (he was a minor) and because he filled out paperwork incorrectly, our attorney had to check with two different Native American tribes to check and see if H was registered (if he was, the tribe would have to give permission for the adoption, and could decide to allow someone in the tribe to raise Gus). It was so very scary.

Then Steve had to leave and head back to NC and it was terrible. To be in a hotel alone with Gus... it was not good and mentally, I was not in a good place. There are so many things I regret about Gus's first two months of life... I WISH I could go back in time and relive it. All I wanted was to go home... and I just wanted to know that he was my son. I was so scared of losing him (and believe me, there was a HUGE risk of us losing him at the time), I didn't let myself bond with him. I didn't want to hold him to feed him, I was uncomfortable with him and I hate it.

While I was in MI, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom or not. I LOVED teaching... seriously LOVED it. I couldn't imagine leaving the classroom and not going back for the 2010-2011 school year.

There was stress about my leaving in the middle of a track out. Not only did my entire room have to be moved into my new classroom (all my stuff was in Laura's room), but there was no one there to move it for me (Steve and I were in MI with Gus and could NOT leave the state with him). Thankfully, I had some great people that I worked with who moved it for me. 

The EOGs (end of grade tests) came and thankfully my sub took care of everything... I had plans for the most part, but did have to work with her on getting them finalized. There was a LOT of drama with the b**ches that I worked with and I had several calls from my principal informing me that it was my job to do sub plans... SERIOUSLY?!?!?! I was so stressed about Gus and the situation with Steve being in NC that the LAST thing I cared about were my damn sub plans.

I'll call that REASON 1 that I don't want to return to the classroom.

Anyway-- thankfully Steve was able to move ALL my teaching stuff home when the end of the year came and Gus and I were STILL in Michigan (two months is a LONG time)!! 

BUT... once we did come back to NC and started our life as a family, a sense of peace came over me and I started to really enjoy being home. I had contact with former parents and they told me all about how terrible 5th grade was, how much the kids missed me and they even threw us a baby shower (the kids all brought books for Gus). It was in October and it was wonderful.

I had an opportunity to interview with Primrose (a preschool/day care) and I had thought about working park-time (maybe even full-time) and putting Gus in their program while I taught. During that interview, I was asked some questions about what I'd do if I was teaching and Gus was in the office because he was crying and upset... when I said I'd take care of him, the head of Primrose told me that I'd be expected to stay with my class and they'd take care of Gus. That's all it took for me to realize that there's no way in hell I'm leaving him so I can take care of other people's kids.

From that moment on, I have been 100% committed to staying home with Gus. My desire to stay home has grown... I cannot imagine leaving his growth and development up to someone else. Even that, I can't imagine letting someone else mold him and teach him right from wrong. My job is to teach him about everything and to lead by example. The kind of person that I want him to be, comes from what I model and teach. I refuse to allow someone else that honor.

I love staying home. I am literally stress-free. I don't stress about parents, conferences, my students, my lessons, not ever having enough time in the day to do all that I want/need, I don't stress about co-workers (and trust me... I worked with some nasty bee-otches). I walked out of the classroom and into motherhood and it was amazing.

Even after almost two years of being out of the classroom, I don't really miss it. I don't know if I ever want to go back. Maybe. Maybe not. The way education has changed (and even in two short years), I refuse to go back and teach to a test. I refuse to look at children as test scores and data... and yet, that's what teachers are forced to do. No more creativity allowed in lessons, everything is scripted and you're TOLD what to teach. It's horrible.

Maybe I'll go back and teach in a Montessori elementary. I found one close to us that I'd LOVE to put Gus in for K-5. I'm okay with him going to public middle school and high school in our area, but I'd prefer for him to be in a different environment for elementary. I love what Montessori stands for, and I think most importantly, it's amazing to view children as individuals and not cram testing down their throats. There will be enough of that when they're older... in the elementary years, the focus should be on the love of learning and self discovery. Montessori education allows for that.

I'd like to be home for Gus (and future children) when he's getting out of school. All the way through high school. When all my kids are 18 and graduated from high school, that's when I'll (maybe) go back to work. Until then, I'm going to enjoy each and every day playing, laughing, exploring, molding, creating, loving, and teaching my own kid.

I'm so thankful to not have any stress in my life. I don't stress about what I'm going to wear... what I'm going to do... My only stress is brought on by me, and I have the power to change my circumstances. I am so grateful that Steve works so very hard and not only allows me to stay home, but completely supports it.

A Year of Gratitude #10

 

A Year of Gratitude #10: Staying at home with Gus

The year that Gus entered our lives was 2010. It was my tenth year of teaching and the absolute best year of my teaching career. 

Not only did I start 2010 by being selected as one of fifteen teachers from across the country to be a Scholastic Teacher Advisor, but I got to go to NYC for an all-expenses paid trip. It was by far one of the most incredible experiences of my life, and the most incredible thing I've ever had the chance to experience as a teacher.

In November of 2009 (of the 2009-2010 school year), I decided to participate in the History Channel's Take A Vet to School Day program. I invited my students to invite their loved ones to come into my classroom for Veteran's Day. It was amazing. We had seven men come to school and they shared their stories with my class. These were grandfathers and dads and they represented all branches of the military. There were tears shed as the men talked about their service, friends lost, and time away from their children. It was moving, touching, and life-changing. One of the parents (her dad was one of our guests) told me that she had never talked to her dad about his time in the Marine Corp. He was a Purple Heart recipient and had it with him to show the kids... she thanked me over and over for celebrating them, and for opening the door to communication with her dad about his time in the Marines. It was awesome.

As if things weren't good enough, I was named my school's Teacher of the Year. It was voted on by the entire staff, and I was named the TOY by an overwhelming majority. I was also named a Wake County Teacher of the Year Semi-Finalist. Out of the 200+ teachers in the county, I was one of the top 24. It was truly awesome.

So then Gus happened... and we had a week between being told that his birthmom wanted us to be his parents, to actually holding him in our arms. There wasn't time to think... it all just happened so quickly.

My school year (year-round schools) had me tracked out (vacation) when Gus was born. Then I missed six weeks for maternity leave... but I was still supposed to come back for the last three days of school. Because of issues that I won't go into, we weren't able to come back to NC until July 11th... which was well after my school year ended.

My principal wanted to know when I was returning. She asked for my letter of resignation so that she could fill my position for the 2010-2011 year. I was on the fence about what to do... do I leave teaching, the job that I love and was most passionate about, or stay at home?

I decided that since we were still in MI and the school year was already starting... I'd stay home for a year and see if I liked it, and if I didn't, I could always go back to work.

That was July of 2010... then I got to October and saw something in the paper about the new Primrose School opening just down the street from my house. This place was at the entrance to our development... so close! I decided to talk to Steve about it and he thought it sounded like a good idea to go check it out. If I could put Gus in their program, and I could teach, it'd be perfect. The best of both worlds.

Except it wasn't. When I went to the interview, I was more qualified than the director and she knew it. She wasn't used to someone with ten years of teaching experience, plus a MAEd in Administration and Supervision and another one in K-12 Curriculum and Instruction. I was WAY over-qualified. There were NO job perks. I'd have to wear a uniform to teach (no thanks), wouldn't get any vacation, would have to work evenings and occasional weekends, I'd get paid $12 an hour (with no benefits), and the thing that did me in... I wouldn't get to see Gus.

It was through that interviewing experience that I realized that I LOVED staying home with him. Any doubt that I had before the interview was GONE after. No way was I going to put him in someone else's care, so I could take care of someone else's kids. DUH.

I am so very very very thankful that I get to stay home with Gus. Not only do I have ZERO stress in my life... which is a gift, but I get to watch him learn, grow, develop, and I am the one to help mold him into the amazing little person that he is. I get to introduce him to new kids through playdates, I get to take him to the park, the zoo, the aquarium, our backyard to play, and I get to watch him have fun.

It's the best job I've ever had.

Sure, I miss teaching (some days), and part of me says, "I'll definitely go back to the classroom." But there is another part of me that doesn't know if I want to go back for a really long time. I used to say when Gus starts kindergarten, if there aren't any other kids, I'll go back to work when he starts school. I've changed my mind.

I don't want to go back to teaching until he's much older. I want to get involved in his classroom, volunteer at the school, go on field trips, and most importantly, be HOME when he gets here. 

I feel like my job as a parent doesn't end when he starts school. So, when will I go back to teaching? I think it'll be YEARS. The way the education system is going in this country is just so disappointing to me. I don't miss the drama, the stress, and the constant feeling that I wasn't doing enough, even though I was giving 1000000% of myself to my teaching, lesson planning, and the families of my kids. I won't do that again... not when I have my own family to serve.

So for now, I'll be thankful that I'm a SAHM and with Gus each and every day. It's never dull, or boring and each day is a new adventure. I hope my only "job" is MOM for a really long time.

And for that... I am most grateful.

Well... we're home!! I cannot even begin to express how happy and elated I was to get home! On the flip side, I was so very sad to leave Michigan and say goodbye to my parents and brothers and their families. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my parents and allowing them to be apart of Gus's first two months of life.

I was able to see so many good friends that I never get to see when Steve and I come up for a visit. We usually only have three days or so, and I always reserve that very special time for family and my wonderful friend Aimee and her family. That's usually all we have time for, and then it's time to either head home, or head to Indiana to visit Steve's side of our family.

We got home on Sunday, July 11th, which also happened to be Gus's two-month birthday. It's hard to think that it took two months to get home. I would not have ever thought it'd be two LONG weeks. I think being away from Steve made it even more difficult.

We spent our last day/night in Michigan by going to dinner to celebrate our ability to go home. It was bittersweet. For the first time in I can't remember how many years, both of my brothers were at my parent's house with their families. It was the five of us with our spouses and kids. Something I always dreamed of being apart of... and it happened. Dave is the oldest and was there with his three kids, Scott is the middle child and was there with his two kids, and then I'm the baby and was there with Gus. 3,2,1...

My parents were excited, but my mom was beyond happy. She's wanted a picture of her kids and their kids for so long... and had the delay with the adoption not happened, she wouldn't have had us all be there together.

So we left Michigan at 6am and arrived at home at 6:30pm. Steve was worried that it'd take up to 20 hours to get home with Gus... due to frequent stops. However, Gus did an amazing job and slept the whole way! He'd wake up and be smiley and happy and then he'd go back to sleep. He enjoys the car and we're so very lucky for this!

When we got home and moved all our stuff inside, it was time for bed. I took Gus to the nursery and changed him on the changing table. Then we sat in his glider and I rocked him while I fed him. I had an overwhelming surge of emotions come over me as I was feeding him. I had sat in that room so many times and prayed that we'd get a baby soon and be able to start our family. There I was, rocking my baby while he fed. I had wanted to come home so much, and there I was. It was a moment of realizing that all of my dreams and prayers had been answered and come true.

So now we're home and Steve took yesterday off. It was stressful... and it'll take some getting used to (on his part) since he's been away from us and not had to worry about anything for weeks. Having Gus is so amazing, but also so challenging. We feel like we can't get anything done because we're always having to tend to his needs. I will say that today (first day as a stay-at-home mom) has been great.

I think it'll just take some time to adapt. I'm excited to be a SAHM and raise Gus. I feel so blessed that we're able to do this and I'm able to be here for all the moments. I never knew what I didn't know about parenting... but it's been wonderful thus far and I can't remember my life before Gus. Strange to write that... it so quickly has become a life I don't really remember, and one that I don't really miss.

My business is starting to pick up (it's the summer and a busy time of year), so I'm stressed about how to manage Gus and get my orders completed. We'll see...

Until next time!!
Cat