To Teach or Not To Teach? That IS the Question!!!

When I was little, I used to line up my stuffed animals and play school. I always loved acting like I was a teacher and it was always something that I wanted to do with my life. I had two three things I always wanted to be. 1) A mother  2) A teacher  3) A National Park Ranger (I blame my parents for that one-- vacations each summer and seeing our National Parks... it was awesome).

I did what my heart told me to do, and I went to school to become a teacher. I studied hard and graduated with high honors from both my undergraduate studies and both of my Master's programs. I enjoyed teaching elementary school and my students filled my life with so much joy.

I devoted an insane amount of time (and money) into my job vocation. I spent every Tuesday night staying late (like getting home after 8pm) so I could plan out my next week and get everything organized for the upcoming week. I emailed parents, I had a weekly newsletter that I worked really hard to make as informative and enjoyable for the parents, and I made sure to keep my classroom current and engaging.

When we moved from MI to NC it was a bit of a shock to go from traditional calendar to year-round. I finished teaching 5th graders on June 9th, 2007 and started teaching year round on July 7th, 20007. So much for a long summer vacation!

Teaching in the year-round school system had a lot of positives, but as a teacher, I had to move classrooms every six months. I mean tear everything down completely, pack every single thing up, and move my stuff to another room. This was the worst thing about teaching in a year-round school.

As a result, I never felt "at home" and never had the feeling of being comfortable. I had many teaching things that I left at home because it was too much trouble to move them every six months.

So when Gus came into our lives, I took a dramatic leave from teaching. I had not decided if I would be staying home with him or not, and I thought I had time to decide. I was tracked out (on vacation) when Gus happened, and so all my stuff was being stored in another person's classroom. I didn't know I wouldn't be returning to get my things (I had to stay in MI with Gus for two months... as a result, Steve had to go and pack up my classroom and bring ALL of my stuff home).

Because I never got to pack up my things myself, I don't know where a lot of my stuff went. I'm missing things that I'm pretty sure got left behind and will never be found again. 

When I couldn't come back to NC to start the next school year, my principal had no other choice but to ask me to terminate my employment so that she could hire someone in my place. The decision to leave the classroom happened without much consideration because I didn't have a choice. I HAD to stay in MI with Gus, and the school year started before I could come back.

Since my first few months of staying home, I've come to seriously love being a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom). Mainly, because of my involvement with my MOMS Club chapter. I have made some awesome friends, and Gus has friends to play with too. We have many events each week to attend and we're very busy, engaged, and happy.

So when the boys are both in school... what will I do? Do I go back to teaching? I am so torn about this decision. Steve says it's an easy YES. We're paying student loans for grad school and he wants me to have a job that pays me for my education. I get that. 

I also know that I want to be happy.

I was a different teacher before being a mom, than I would be if I go back to the classroom. I don't see kids as just kids, they're SOMEONE'S Gus/Hugh. That's someone's sweetness, someone's pride and joy. I never got that before becoming a mom. And trust me, I would have rolled my eyes and said, "You don't teach differently if you've got kids than if you don't." But now that I'm a mom, I know with 100% confidence, I would most certainly teach differently BECAUSE I am a mom.

 

I was never a big fan of standardized testing. When I taught in MI it wasn't a big deal and my kids took the MEAP (Michigan Education Assessment Plan) every October and it was important, but it wasn't everything. When I moved to NC, the EOGs (End of Grade tests) were NO JOKE. Teacher's received bonus money (ABC money it was called... and while my school earned ABC money we never got it because the state froze the system and never paid the teachers their bonus money). Parents were SO crazy about EOG prep... I had EOG clinics that I offered for weeks (yes, weeks... like two months) before the actual tests, so the kids could prepare. Everyone was fanatical about the importance of the EOG scores and what it meant for the reputation of the school. Talk about high pressure.

Part of me does NOT miss the stress that comes with being a teacher. Not only dealing with 25-30 kids and their needs, making sure each IEP was being followed and everyone was challenged and achieving, but also the parents and making sure that everyone was happy, and then dealing with fellow teachers (who never seemed to have the same passion and drive that I had, which always led to frustration and bitterness), and administration. It was a constant array of stress and never enough time, and feeling like you never did a good enough job. I don't miss that.

But, the truth is, I DO miss teaching. Especially after being on Pinterest and seeing so many GREAT ideas and thinking about how to incorporate them into my classroom (yes, the classroom that I don't have). I still get excited for back to school time... and I'm not teaching. 

When I took Gus into the schools to be tested for hearing and then for his Fulton County Schools testing and his IEP meeting, I was in three different elementary schools. Each one was different, but each had that same smell that you find in an elementary school. It's comforting and familiar, and made me miss teaching. Seriously miss it.

I want to do something useful with my life. I want to feel passionate about what I do for a living and I don't know if going back to the classroom is where I'm being called to go. Obviously, I have five years to figure it all out, but I can't help but wonder where I'll be five years from now. Will I be gearing up for going back to the classroom? It'll be eight years out of the classroom... almost the same amount of time I spent in the classroom. 

Right now, there's Common Core and I know NOTHING about it. I left in June of 2010 and it came out August of 2010. It's everywhere and I know nothing about it and I'm sure would be asked a lot about it in an interview. 

Obviously, I could and would do some research about it, or whatever the latest thing is... but do I REALLY want to deal with all that?


NO.


And YES.


The thing that really gets me excited... is adoption. I feel so much passion about adoption and sharing what I know with others. I'd love to work with an adoption agency, or even make profile books for hopeful adoptive parents. I'd love to teach others about my adoption experiences and share what I know and love. 


We'll see. I'll keep praying about it. I just know that right now... tonight, I MISS teaching. I miss having a classroom and I miss being Mrs. Walker to 25-30 kiddos who will forever have me in their memories as their teacher for a year. 


SIGH

But more than anything, I am delighted that I have five years before I have to think about this stuff. I have five years to enjoy being home with not an ounce of stress, other than mom-related stress. I love being a mom and staying home with my boys. 

In an ideal world, I'd be a SAHM even once they go to school. I'd love to be here when they come home from school, or be there to pick them up from school (and be able to avoid the dreaded bus). I'd love to be able to go on field trips, volunteer at school and give my time to their classrooms, and just be super present in their lives. They'll need me here even more when they're in middle school and high school. When they're in college, maybe that's when I'll go back to work.

Sounds good to me. Now I need to work on Steve and see if he'll go for that.  ;-)

Glad it's the Weekend!!

Yesterday was stressful for me. My morning started with a voice message left for me from Melissa at our home study agency.

Let me backtrack for a second. Last Tuesday (the 23rd) we had our home study visit. Then on Saturday (the 27th) while we were out exploring the area, I got NUMEROUS calls from Melissa asking me various questions about our paperwork. I made sure to put everything IN ORDER as shown on the checklist that they provided on their website. First the 911 Call History was missing... then she found that but couldn't find the one for Wake County (she had Holly Springs). I had to explain that Wake County is the county that Holly Springs is in... it's not a city. Then she called about not being able to find Steve's drug-screen results (his doctor listed on the paperwork).

It was literally, one call after another. She obviously had not looked through everything very carefully, because everything that she was "missing" was in fact there (of course it was... I double/triple/quadruple checked EVERYTHING to make sure nothing was missing!!).

Then she called to say that our financial form was done incorrectly, so Steve had to sit down and do that.

The last thing she said was that they were still waiting on our GBI clearance. Let me explain what the GBI clearance is and how the system works (it's rather complicated if you ask me). GBI stands for Georgia Bureau of Investigation. I had to preregister us into the GBI system a day before going to get our prints taken. I paid online and added all required information into the system. All we had to do was show up at a location that has the COGENT system and we'd be all set. When I put our info into the system, I had to provide a reason for needing the prints (adoption) and a code for the organization requesting the prints (our home study agency). The code was provided to me by our agency, so I just had to follow the very clear instructions from their website.

After the person(s) has their prints scanned (it's called a livescan), the prints go through COGENT and are sent to GBI to run the prints and do the criminal background check. Then GBI sends the prints back through COGENT and they notify the agency (based on the code) that the background check is ready for pick-up (electronically).

Because there are so many different reasons why someone would need a GBI check, and it's for the entire state of Georgia, once the individual has their livescan done, the organization requiring the scan has 30 days to retrieve the information.

We had our prints (and all our required home study stuff) done on September 7th. On our way home from getting our livescan, I called Melissa and told her that we had just finished our scans and that they were free to pick up the info. I was given a receipt from the lady at the livescan location that had a confirmation number and proof that our prints were in the system. I included a copy of this receipt (and a note showing the date and time that I called Melissa to inform her that our prints were taken and ready to be retrieved) in our home study paperwork.

Okay... so on the 27th when she said they still didn't have the prints from COGENT... I wasn't sure how it was possible. I immediately said to myself, "I bet they never went into COGENT to get the results and the 30 days passed."

Okay, so my voice mail left for me by Melissa basically said that our home study report was done, but they don't have the GBI results, so we may need to go and get them done again.

EXCUSE ME???? UM NO!!!!

I was livid. So I called her back and she was frustrated and kept telling me that they called on the 30th and 31st and that they were getting nowhere with trying to get our prints. She had called a Cheryl Peyton at GBI to find out what the problem was, and Cheryl said that she could see our scan and that she'd send the results back through COGENT. This happened twice (apparently) and Melissa was mad that nothing was coming through. Cheryl told her to call COGENT and find out what the issue was.

So her basic statement to me was that I needed to call Cheryl because she wasn't getting anywhere with her, and maybe since they're my prints, I could get her to fax the prints to Melissa. WHAT???? Good Lord... anyone who knows me well, KNOWS how much I HATE talking on the phone. Especially to deal with crap like this.

She said if we couldn't get the prints, we'd have to go get them done again. Which pissed me off because it was $70 and we followed the protocol. How was this OUR problem??? But her view was that it clearly wasn't HER problem and she threw it off on me to deal with. She didn't care when I said that Steve can't take a day off work to go get prints, and he's traveling with work and it's Summit season-- his BUSY time of the year. She didn't care.

Okay, so I called Cheryl at GBI. As soon as I said who I was and started to explain our situation, she cut me off and laid into me with how she'd already told Melissa that she's sent the results through. TWICE. I said that Melissa had told me that and thought by having me call, maybe there'd be some progress made. This pissed Cheryl off more than anything. She point-blank told me that GBI DOES NOT deal with the public. No individual should EVER call them. They only deal with businesses and organizations and it's for a reason.

I apologized and told her I didn't know what else to do. Thankfully, she softened up and said she wasn't mad at me, but it was a shit-move by Melissa to try and use me as a power-play. She said she'd call COGENT and find out the problem. I said that Melissa had told me that she called and was not helped. Cheryl said that Melissa should have called her and told her that, and she could have called COGENT on their behalf... but Melissa should NEVER have given me her number and told me to call. Yes, she was pissed.

She got my name and number and said that since she never got a number from Melissa, she'd call me back and let me know what she finds out. GREAT!

Like ten minutes later, I got a call from Melissa saying that she got a call from COGENT saying that they'd be running our print results at 3pm. She said they wouldn't be at work, but she'd call me in the morning (today) to let me know the results. Her last statement was, "Don't call Cheryl yet..." I said that I had already called...

DUH!! Why the eff do you think COGENT called you???? Just randomly?? NO! It's because Cheryl called COGENT because I CALLED CHERYL!

Anyway... like two hours later, I got a call from Cheryl and she said that everything looked good with COGENT but she found out some information. She said that our prints were taken on September 7th. This means that Melissa had 30 days to get our prints (October 6th). The prints were not retreived in the 30 days (AH HA!!! I KNEW IT!!!) and the first attempt to get them was on OCTOBER 30th (which is WELL over a month). The second attempt to retreieve was OCTOBER 31st!!

So she wanted me to know that WE did nothing wrong. All the blame is on Melissa and so she said because she felt bad for me, she wanted to help me out so she went ahead and pulled out our info from the system and sent it through COGENT. She asked if she could get Melissa's number from me because she wanted to personally tell her that SHE screwed up (not me). She wanted to make it VERY clear that she is to NEVER again give their number to a client, and they are to check the system before the 30 days, and there will NOT be a second chance again. YIKES.

I ended up getting a call from Melissa at 2pm letting me know that the prints came through and we're all set. The home study report would be finished and sent to us early next week. THANK GOD.

So that stressed me out (as you can tell). I finally got a call today from Babies Can't Wait about making Gus's first appointment for therapy. I found out that LaTasha and Rebecca (2/3 of the people who evaluated Gus) will be on our team! LaTasha is our BCW coordinator and Rebecca will be our Speech Therapist (which is AWESOME because she has an OT background as well)! Hopefully she'll be able to help with the speech delays and the SPD at the same time!

I'm feeling REALLY eager for Christmas to arrive... so I've been getting my Christmas music gathered from iTunes. I'm ready to make a playlist and sync it to my phone, so I can listen in the car. I love the holidays!!!

We have no plans this weekend and I'm so glad to be able to just relax and not do anything. We're supposed to go to a craft fair with Lesley and Jason tomorrow and meet them for breakfast before. It should be a fun morning!!

:-)

Stressed

I absolutely HATE feeling stressed. Sometimes I think about my situations that cause me stress and I'm not sure why I allow myself to get stressed out. I'm not getting paid to be stressed and everything that's currently stressing me out is something that SHOULD be enjoyable and NOT stressful. Grrrr.

I'm so excited for my parents to come down for their visit on Monday. It's been a month and a half since we last saw them and it's so great to know that they're going to be here for a whole week! It'll be just us and them for seven days and I can't wait!!! 

It's so different when they come here to visit. I feel like we have them all to ourselves because they're not working. We can do whatever they want and they'll be happy just to be with us. It's fantastic. When they're here, we're not trying to see other people AND see them too. It's just us and them and we can focus on just really enjoying our time together.

Tomorrow Gus and I are going to the local Dairy Queen for a tour! I'm excited and I KNOW he'll love it since he LOVES sweets (especially ice cream)!! We're going sunflower picking on Monday and then we aren't doing another MOMS Club activity until the following Tuesday! I have a board meeting on the 6th, but other than that, it's nothing until the 10th, and then nothing again after that until the 16th! It'll be nice to have some down time at home. :-)

I'll be sure to take some pictures tomorrow of the tour and will post them in the afternoon. The good news is that Gus IS napping again. He must have had an off day before, because he napped well yesterday and today. :D

Alright-- I'm off to bed! Here are some pictures from today:

 

Sharing ice cream after our dinner (it was a 2 for $20 deal with an app/2 entrees/dessert)