Adoption Day 2016

I am so behind with blogging! So sorry to all those that check in to see if I've posted and then see nothing for weeks on end. Life just gets ahead of me and I don't think about blogging until it's way too late at night to start something. Anyway... we recently celebrated our 5th Adoption Day as a family!!

For those of you not sure of the story, Gus-Gus's adoption was finalized on April 15th, 2011. He was just shy of turning one when we made the trek to Michigan for his court date. It was a quick weekend deal, and we were there and gone in a matter of three days, but it was extraordinary because when we arrived back home, he was legally our son and the adoption process was FINALLY over.

 

Adoption Day 2011 (Age 11 months)

 

Gus's 1st Adoption Day with his birth mom and grammy

 

Adoption Day 2012 (Age 2)

In 2012, we matched with Hewy's birth mom and then he was born at the end of the year. When it came time to finalize his adoption, our attorney called us and said, April 15th, 2013 will be your court date. We couldn't believe it. How amazing to have the same day as our Adoption Day!! To celebrate our first Adoption Day as a family of four, we had family pictures taken by Jeff Roffman. Our session was a quick one, but the results were stunning.

 

Family of Four

 

Adoption Day 2013 (G: 2 years old & H: 3 months)

 

Adoption Day 2014 (G: 3 & H: 15 months)

 

Adoption Day 2015 (G: 4 & H: 2)

 

 

Adoption Day 2016  (G: 5 & H:3)

 

Hewy

 

Gus-Gus

Sometimes I can't believe that the boys are growing up so fast. I feel like it was just yesterday that we were starting the adoption process and had no idea where the journey would lead us!!

AncestryDNA House Party

A few weeks ago, I applied to host an Ancestry.com DNA House Party. I thought it'd be so great to do the test with Hugh and see what his paternity lineage is.

We'll never know his paternal side, and due to how he was conceived, we'll never be able to tell him anything about his paternal side. Children wonder about this kind of thing, and so I thought I'd apply for the party with the hopes of being selected.

Well... I was selected! Hugh's DNA test came at the end of March and it was not the typical cheek swab that I was expecting. We had to have him fill up a container with spit!! Not an easy task with a 15 month old!!

It took about 35 minutes to get the vile filled with enough saliva! We mailed it to Ancestry.com and then a few days ago, I got an email saying that they received the sample.

So now we wait. And then on June 7th, we will announce to friends and family what the results were at the House Party! I'm eager to see what it says but not very hopeful that it'll be as specific as I'd like. 

I was looking online and reading blogs about this, and most people disagree with their findings and many said it was inaccurate. Without having anything to go on with his paternal side, we'll just have to hope that we get accurate info. We may choose to do another test later down the road, that's more specific, but for now, I'm hoping it'll give us a better idea of his ethnicity.

I want to be able to give him some information about where his roots are when he asks. I am so thankful to have an open adoption with his birth mom, and have already been asking her about her lineage and started a family tree with the information. It's interesting that Ancestry.com doesn't have an easier feature for creating a tree with an adopted child. It won't let us merge trees to create (what we like to call) an orchard.

No matter what the results are, I'm excited that we were picked and I am eager to hear anything that they were able to capture from his saliva.

Anyone want to guess what his paternal ethnicity is?

Adoption Awareness Month: Foster Care Adoption

 Did you know that November is Adoption Awareness Month? I'm guessing that you probably already knew that if you are connected to the adoption world at all. But for those of you whom are not connected, November is National Adoption Awareness Month!

I am hoping to blog several times this month about various topics that are related to adoption, but I don't know if that's going to happen or not. Hugh took his first walking steps in a row yesterday, and now he's really got me on my toes!!

I think I'd like to start my series of posts, by blogging about foster care adoption.

Let me start by saying that I don't have experience with foster care at all. In a lot of ways, it confuses me and honestly, scares me a bit. However, I do know that there is something about it that has always stirred emotion inside me. I feel like I've been called to it, but I keep pushing it away.

I cannot imagine what it's like to be a child without parents. I cannot imagine what it's like to know that you DO have a mom and/or dad, and you cannot be with them. How anguishing is that thought? As a human, our deepest desire is to be loved, and it kills me to think that there are children who cry themselves to sleep at night because they feel unloved.

I wanted to be pregnant and to experience what it feels like to be so connected to something growing inside me. I wanted to experience feeling kicks and movement from my baby. However, I never really had the desire to labor and deliver a child. As a kid, one of my greatest fears was actually delivering a baby... and the other side of the coin was the fear of never being able to get pregnant. While I still yearn for pregnancy, it's not something I am fixated on. Quite honestly, I'm 37 and the window of a safe and healthy pregnancy is almost completely closed on me.

However, I've always wanted three kids. I've also always wanted a daughter. I have two amazing boys and I was delighted to be able to call them mine as newborns. Gus was five hours old when I met him, and Hugh took his first breath as I was in the room to see him enter the world. I am so blessed.

But there is still a desire to have a daughter and to have three kids. I know getting pregnant isn't something that's going to happen, and we cannot afford to adopt again.

I don't want to even think about this right now, but in the future when Gus and Hugh are older, I'd like to look into foster to adopt. I have this feeling that I am meant to adopt a child through foster care. I just don't know how much strength I have for it. I know I don't want to be a foster parent, I just want to adopt. Is that something that you can even do?

All I know is open adoption. Foster care is a totally different thing and there are so many things to take into consideration when adopting from the foster care system. However, when I think about all the drawbacks, I can't get past how awesome it is to adopt a child who doesn't have a family. 

There was a thing on the news recently, where a teenager in Florida went before his church and asked for someone, anyone, to adopt him. He said he knew it'd be a hard road, and he's got anger issues from his past that he needs to work on, but he was desperate for someone to love him and to be there to support him.

That got me. I mean, if this kid is out there and is asking for someone to adopt him, how many other kids are like him?

When we were looking into adoption back in 2009, I did look into foster care. What I found were a lot of special needs children. It made me wonder if they were born with special needs and that's why they were placed into foster care, or if they are special needs because they are in foster care and not getting their development needs met. Maybe even both.

I wish I knew someone who was knowledgeable about this and could openly and honestly answer my questions about foster to adopt. Maybe someday, when the boys are older, we can look into adoption again and provide a loving home for a child in need.

I hope that God will lead us to where we're meant to go with building and creating our family. I pray about it and I know it's up to Him to decide where we go. However, it breaks my heart to think about the children out there without families. 

If you're waiting to adopt, or looking to build a family, please consider foster adoption. I hope to add a third child to our family (much later down the road) by adopting through the foster care system.

Adoption Adoption Adoption

Lately, the topic of adoption (with strangers) has come up quite frequently. I've been asked to tell our adoption story numerous times, been asked numerous questions (some quite personal), and at the end of each time that I've shared, the same thing has been said, "Oh, I had no idea that he was adopted."

As you know, I've got two boys and they are BOTH adopted. One looks very similar to my husband and the other looks very similar to me. This was not done on purpose (yes, this has been asked). When we adopted Gus, we had been praying for several years for a baby. The ability to conceive was just not something that was in the cards and we didn't want to go through expensive IVF treatments that were not guaranteed. So we prayed and pursued domestic newborn adoption.

Gus was the answer to many prayers and came after an abundance of tears that no one deserves to shed. The pain of infertility is something that unless you've been through it, you cannot fathom how hard it is. Every pregnancy announcement hurts. Every picture of friends basking in the glow of becoming parents, is difficult to look at. Infertility isn't something that many openly discuss, and it's not something that the majority of the public fully understands or sincerely empathizes about.

Hugh was a different story. We wanted to adopt again and wanted a second child, but we were lost as to how it would go. We felt like we were so blessed with Gus's adoption, and that it appeared out of no where for us, that surely, we would never get that lucky again. When Hugh's birth mother contacted me and began to talk, I still didn't think anything of it. When a few weeks had passed and we matched "officially" it was unreal. 

I know for certain that Hugh was brought into our lives for a reason and he IS a gift from God, as his older brother is as well. Both of my children came from above, and they fill my life with so much joy, awe, wonder, and appreciation. I don't take them for granted and I KNOW how blessed we are.

Recently, we've had to do some medically-related things with Hugh. He's only nine months, but we've been going to appointments, meeting with teams of professionals to evaluate him, and each time, the fact that he's adopted comes up. And each time, comments are made that paint the wrong picture.

Comments are made like, "Just think about how lucky he is to have you taking care of him." While I'm sure that comment isn't said with much thought behind the reality of the words, the truth is, WE are the lucky ones. We didn't rescue him for a horrible life. We didn't "save him" from anything. He was brought into our lives for a reason and that reason comes from above.

While talking to various people about his background and family history (which is commonly asked when going to the doctor/pediatrician), for some of it, I have to say "Unknown" because 1/2 of his history will always be unknown. It is what it is, we can't change it, and it's just a fact. But when we write "Unknown" the questions start flowing.

People think they have the right to just ask personal questions, so they just let them fly out of their mouths. "Why is his history unknown?" "Oh... his mother didn't know the guy she was sleeping with?" "His real father wasn't involved with his mother?" "Oh, his mom didn't know the guy that got her pregnant?"

Seriously. 

I think the one thing that I've learned most after adopting Hugh is that you DO NOT know from outward appearances what someone has going on in their life. The outward signs might create one picture, but the honest truth is that you do not know what someone is going through or has gone through. 

I get so upset and frustrated when people assume bad things about Hugh's birth mother. I will not share details of his history, but she is and amazing, wonderful, beautiful, incredible individual. 

People are just dumb.

In my MOMS Club, we've had a lot of new people join and as we're getting to know each other at playgroup and MNO (moms' night out) events, the topic of our kids often comes up. I've shared that my kids are adopted and with that, always comes a lot of questions. To be honest, I love talking about adoption and our story and I love sharing how our family was created. I am proud to be an adoptive mom and am open to talking to others about it.

It's when ignorant comments are said, that I shutter and then think that people really have no clue. People don't know about open adoption, they don't understand how we could be actively pursuing relationships with both of our sons' extended families. "Aren't you worried they'll want to come back and take them?" Yes, I've been asked that one.

I guess the only way to educate people is to share my truth and my story, and hope that they'll learn from it. Adoption isn't like shows that you see on television. Even shows like "I'm Having their Baby" and "The Baby Wait" (which we were asked to be part of) have been edited for television.

As much as I love adoption and love that we're a family created by adoption, sometimes I get sick of talking about it. I'd love to be able to just talk about my kids and not have to answer questions about their "real" moms. Again, offended by the term "real" as I am their "real" mom-- I'm not fake! 

I hate the look of shock and pity that often comes when someone learns that they are adopted. I don't know which is worse, the look after hearing that Gus is adopted (because he's Caucasian, blonde, and blue eyed), or Hugh (he's multi-racial, dark hair, olive skin, and brown eyed). Adoptive families all look different. Families that are not created by adoption also look different. I hate when I hear (after learning that Hugh is adopted), "Ohhh... that makes sense. Yeah, he looks nothing like you."  Thanks for that.

Adoption is becoming more and more "the norm" and more common. People see it in the media more and more and I think it's more accepted than it used to be. It's not a taboo subject today, like it was years ago. But a lot of what people know about adoption isn't accurate, and a lot of it is still misunderstood.

I think because we've been in this world for over three years, we see it differently than the general public does. I sometimes forget that people haven't taken classes, read books, and talked and talked and talked about adoption like I have. 

Instead of rolling my eyes, shaking my head, and coming back with snide comments, I listen to people make ignorant comments about adoption and my children, and I take a deep breath, and I politely share our truth (usually). Some comments are ignored, and some are not. 

Then I pray that God will continue to help me muster through each day and face it with strength, wisdom, and purpose. 

A Year Ago Today

It's remarkable to think that it was a year ago today that I received a message from B that said, "I do believe your family would be awesome." The funny thing is that I didn't get that message until July 18th, 2012. Her email to me went to my spam folder and I was completely unaware.

I consider July 18th our "Match" day because that's the first time that the emailing between us began off Baby Center.

I still look at Hewy and can't believe that he's almost seven months old. Where is the time going? Seriously. I vowed when Gus was growing that with a second baby, I would hold on to every second so they didn't pass as quickly. I hate to say this, but I feel like it's going even faster now that I've got two kiddos. 

Gus is making so many great gains with speech and language (all on his own). He has a few favorite phrases, one of my favs is when he says (with total inflection in his voice), "Oh ma gosssssshhhh" and when he wants me to be quiet (or anyone for that matter), he puts a finger (or hand) over my mouth and says, "Hush, mama."

Gus was promoted to level RED for swimming, which might not seem like a big deal, but he was at the WHITE level (zero swimming abilities) for the entire first session. He's getting more and more comfortable and is even jumping in without holding anyone's hand (jumping into the water from the deck and without a lifevest). He's so great.

 

Now we're working on floating on his back for five seconds

I am still a bit shocked that we're done with the adoption process. As much as it was a lot of work, I feel like we had enough time to really get things organized and collected, and had the experience of a previous adoption to help us out as well. 

I still long to have three kids. In a year and a half, I'd love to have another baby in our home and have three kiddos all two/three years apart. I know Steve is totally against it, but who knows what will happen. I mean, a year ago, I would have never dreamed that we'd have a sweet chunk of Hugh upstairs snoozing away in his crib.

Feeling so blessed tonight.

Siblings

I have two brothers. One is my twin and the other is five and a half years older than me. Being that I have an older brother, I've never known a day of my life without having a sibling. Until becoming the mother of two, I didn't realize how much I took for granted by having siblings in my life.

When we adopted Gus, it was the happiest day of our lives. He was the answer to so many prayers and was loved and adored before he even arrived on this Earth. He made my life change the minute I held him, and at that moment, I knew I'd never be the same again.

Fast-forward to July of 2012. When the opportunity to possibly adopt again came our way, I was excited. I had been looking at agencies and had had a few phone calls getting information from some. We weren't financially ready to start the process yet, as we still had our house in NC on the market. However, I definitely wanted a sibling for Gus and wanted them to be close enough in age that they could play and enjoy each other, but not too close or far to be a problem.

As fate would have it, we received an offer on our house in NC just before finding out that we had a match with Hugh's birth mom. Our family of three was soon to become a family of four.

We didn't tell Gus about a baby coming. We didn't know it was 100% going to happen, and until there was a baby to introduce to him, we didn't think it was appropriate to even bring it up. We knew he would be excited for a baby, and we were eager to see how he'd interact with a sibling.

 

The last picture of our family of three

As soon as Hugh arrived, our family dynamic changed again. We had a beautiful baby boy and a 2 year, 7 month and eight day old toddler. :-) 

Gus has loved having a baby brother. For the first two weeks we were in NC waiting on ICPC clearance, and we were in tight quarters. Gus liked to see what Hugh was doing, only to be disappointed that he was sleeping (AGAIN).

Once we got home, Gus had other toys to play with and things to keep him busy, he hasn't been on top of Hugh like he was when Hugh was first born. That's not to say that he doesn't like him though... he loves "chew" as he calls him. LOL

What's even cuter for me is to watch Hugh react to Gus. He absolutely LOVES his big brother. He watches Gus all the time and loves it when Gus talks to him and interacts with him. It's really sweet.

 

I'm really looking forward to watching them grow as siblings and hope that they become good friends. I don't have any sisters, so I don't know what it's like to have a sibling of the same gender, but I'm certain it's different from having one of the opposite gender. I hope they always remember that their relationship matters. I know while they're little, they won't always be friends, but I hope that as they grow up they learn how to relate to each other and they develop a deep love for one another that lasts them well into their adulthood.