Siblings

I have two brothers. One is my twin and the other is five and a half years older than me. Being that I have an older brother, I've never known a day of my life without having a sibling. Until becoming the mother of two, I didn't realize how much I took for granted by having siblings in my life.

When we adopted Gus, it was the happiest day of our lives. He was the answer to so many prayers and was loved and adored before he even arrived on this Earth. He made my life change the minute I held him, and at that moment, I knew I'd never be the same again.

Fast-forward to July of 2012. When the opportunity to possibly adopt again came our way, I was excited. I had been looking at agencies and had had a few phone calls getting information from some. We weren't financially ready to start the process yet, as we still had our house in NC on the market. However, I definitely wanted a sibling for Gus and wanted them to be close enough in age that they could play and enjoy each other, but not too close or far to be a problem.

As fate would have it, we received an offer on our house in NC just before finding out that we had a match with Hugh's birth mom. Our family of three was soon to become a family of four.

We didn't tell Gus about a baby coming. We didn't know it was 100% going to happen, and until there was a baby to introduce to him, we didn't think it was appropriate to even bring it up. We knew he would be excited for a baby, and we were eager to see how he'd interact with a sibling.

 

The last picture of our family of three

As soon as Hugh arrived, our family dynamic changed again. We had a beautiful baby boy and a 2 year, 7 month and eight day old toddler. :-) 

Gus has loved having a baby brother. For the first two weeks we were in NC waiting on ICPC clearance, and we were in tight quarters. Gus liked to see what Hugh was doing, only to be disappointed that he was sleeping (AGAIN).

Once we got home, Gus had other toys to play with and things to keep him busy, he hasn't been on top of Hugh like he was when Hugh was first born. That's not to say that he doesn't like him though... he loves "chew" as he calls him. LOL

What's even cuter for me is to watch Hugh react to Gus. He absolutely LOVES his big brother. He watches Gus all the time and loves it when Gus talks to him and interacts with him. It's really sweet.

 

I'm really looking forward to watching them grow as siblings and hope that they become good friends. I don't have any sisters, so I don't know what it's like to have a sibling of the same gender, but I'm certain it's different from having one of the opposite gender. I hope they always remember that their relationship matters. I know while they're little, they won't always be friends, but I hope that as they grow up they learn how to relate to each other and they develop a deep love for one another that lasts them well into their adulthood.

Soccer Star!

This morning we headed to Suwanee for Gus to have his first ever soccer lesson. We weren't sure how it was going to go, but I had a feeling that he'd really love it. I was right.

When we arrived, I had to fill out a form so that we could have our first free session. Then we headed to the middle field and Gus and Steve headed out while I stayed on the bleachers with Hugh. From the get go, Gus was happy. He loved running on the field and chasing the soccer ball.

The coach had everyone sit in a semi-circle and did a name game activity. Steve said it was obvious during this activity, how delayed Gus's speech is. The kids had to say their name and favorite superhero and Gus couldn't say either. :-/

After a quick diaper change, Gus and Steve were back on the field for some fun. I liked that the coach gave the kids a task, but they were free to do it at their own pace. They had to go get a ball and kick it back to the goal. Simple task, but it was a lot of fun to watch.

Then they lined all the kids up and had them race across the field. Gus was one of the top three fastest kids. The mom next to me commented on how fast Gus was. :-)  There were A TON of kids in this class and it varies from 18 months to 3.5 years old. A large age span and amongst them, a lot of differences in ability. I am proud that Gus held his own... though when the coach tried playing "Red means stop!!!" Gus wanted nothing to do with that nonsense. He and about five others kept running while everyone else was stopped where the coach had yelled "RED!!"

 

Coach Sebastian yelling "RED!!!"

 

Racing across the field

The class was 50 minutes, which was AWESOME. At 10:30 Coach Michael came out and grabbed 1/2 the kids and took them to the other field and Gus was included in this group. On the other field, in smaller groups, they worked on foot skills. They practiced kicking over cones with their feet, and then stacking the cone and kicking the ball. Gus loved it!

 

Helping put the cones out

 

Sitting with Steve and listening to Coach Michael

Overall, it was awesome. The mom next to me was complaining about how big the group is and how her son isn't challenged and he's bored and blah blah blah. The other mom behind me, she was complaining about the size of the group and how her daughter used to get individual attention but now that there are so many kids, they don't pay any attention to her.

I think it'll be a great place for Gus to get the basic skills of soccer. I want him to be able to listen to another adult, and it's awesome that it's a man for him to listen to. So far, he's exposed to Ms. Joanie at preschool, and now he's got two coaches to listen to. I think it's great.

At the end of class, they had the parents leave the field and are doing a transition so that the kids can participate without parents on the field. Not every parent left (Steve obviously didn't), but most did. There are four more classes in this session and then a new one begins. The last class for this session is April 27th... not sure when the next one starts, but Gus will be turning 3 in the next session, and there is a 3-4 year old class. That class is a no-parent class. Hopefully Gus will be able to participate without Steve by the end of this session, so he can start in the 3-4 class in May.

After everyone was done, we talked about it and decided to definitely sign him up. When we paid, Coach Michael left and came back with a uniform for Gus! It's SO CUTE!!! It's a pair of black shorts and then a red and black shirt (the kids in the picture above are wearing the uniform). I'm excited to take some pictures of Gus in his uniform this week!!! :-)

It was a great Saturday for our little soccer star!! I can't wait to see what next week brings!

The Best Day Yet!

Today was the best day at preschool thus far. 

When we pulled into the parking lot of the church, Gus didn't cry or fuss at all. When I unloaded him, he eagerly grabbed his backpack and lunch box (he usually makes me carry them) and put on his coat. We walked into the church and he held the door for me.

We got down the hall to his classroom and this is always the place where he starts crying or fussing. Today, he ran right into see Ms. Joanie and gave her a hug. It was SO AWESOME!!! She was working with another child, so I had him put his lunch and backpack into his cubby, and then take off his coat. By the time he was done, she was also done and ready for him.

He puckered up and gave me a kiss goodbye and gave me a hug and said, "See you." Then he wanted to close the door, so she helped him with the door. It was tremendous!! No tears!!

When I picked him up, he was so happy to see me! He ran into my arms for a hug and then went back to where everyone was sitting. He then grabbed his backpack and lunchbox, and grabbed his coat and said goodbye to Ms. Joanie. 

She told me that it was a sensational day for Gus. Not only did he have a wonderful day without any problems, but for the first time ever, he held hands with another child as they walked through the halls. Usually he holds her hand, but today he was willing to hold another student's hand!!

Ms. Joanie said that her goals for him have been reached and it's time to think of some new ones! She said she is so proud of him and that she's amazed at how much progress he's made in such a short period of time!! It'll be two months on Friday. 

Gus's language has continued to improve and it's been great to let him be around other adults and learn that they care for him too. I love my time with him even more, but I'm so glad that we decided to put him in preschool. It's been a great thing for Gustafer.

To celebrate such a tremendous day, we went to Baskin Robbins for some ice cream!

Tomorrow we'll see Mary (his OT) and I can't wait to tell her about his progress!! I know she'll be as proud of him as I am!

OABC: Megan's Birthday Tree

The first book to review for the Open Adoption Book Club is called Megan's Birthday Tree and it's written by Laurie Lears.

The book club participants read the book and then submitted questions for the reviewers to answer. I was quite impressed with some of the questions! We were instructed to answer at least three questions, but could answer as many as we wanted.

Here's the book synopsis:

Megan is adopted, but she and her parents keep in touch with her birth mother, Kendra. Every year, Kendra decorates the tree she planted when Megan was born. Megan cherishes this Birthday Tree, for it ties her and Kendra together.

Here are my questions that I'll be answering:

1) In Megan's Birthday Tree, Megan's adoptive parents were present at various points, but tangentially. Did you pick up on this? Does your response to the background role the adoptive parents played say anything about where your family is in your adoption journey?

I like that the focus of the story was on Megan and her birth mother Kendra. Megan's parents were present as her mom and dad throughout the story, and they were there to reassure her when she felt worried about Kendra forgetting her, and they supported her by assisting her with her goal of purchasing a tree for Kendra. 

Maybe this says something about where we are on the adoption journey. We're important to our kids, obviously. We're the only parents they will ever know. However, the relationship that each of our boys will develop with their birth families will be unique to their needs and desires. We'll be there to help in all ways possible, but I feel like adoptive parents should be in the background a bit steering the ship. 

Megan's parents helped build the relationship with Kendra to the point that Megan could feel in control. It takes a lot of trust and security for adoptive parents to develop this with birth families. The years prior to Megan being old enough to develop a relationship with Kendra on her own, were critical years for Megan. They kept the adoption open and progressing so that when Megan was older (the age she is during the story), she could feel comfortable with Kendra.

2) Megan's birth mother planted a tree when she was born, and decorates it yearly to remember her birth. Do you have something special that you do to celebrate your child's birth or adoption?

 When our oldest son's adoption was finalized, we went to the pottery place and made a plate and painted our hands on it. It's a very special plate! We had no idea when another child would enter our lives, so the plate's purpose was to serve dinner or dessert each year on our son's Adoption Day.

However, last year we had family in town and we weren't able to celebrate his Adoption Day. This year, we will be going to court to finalize our youngest son's adoption on the SAME DAY as our oldest son's Adoption Day!!! So April 15th will be Adoption Day for both of our boys and we're so excited!

This year we plan on going to a professional photographer's studio and have some pictures taken of all of us. Our baby's birth mom will be coming to court with us and we'll have some pictures taken of her with him as well. It'll be a wonderful day and a great way to celebrate!

3) I'd love it if participants could discuss a little bit the place of rituals, such as the photos Kendra sends of the birthday tree to Megan each year, in open adoption: Do you think they are important to children? To parents (birth- and adoptive-)? Why?

I love the idea of having rituals for adoptees. We don't have anything special that's done with either of our two children's birth parents, but it's never too late to start something! I did set up an email account for each of my sons and then I shared the email address with their birth families. I told them to feel free to email them their thoughts and whatnot, and when they're old enough to read/understand, they'd have a plethera of emails from their birth family that they could read.

So far, the only person who has taken advantage of this is my oldest son's birth father's sister (his birth aunt). She emails him about once a month and just gives an overview of the month and what everyone is doing. It's very sweet. I know that when he's older, it'll be really special for him to see that his Auntie Dani has been emailing him and thinking of him.

Other than that, we don't have anything. I'm eager to read some of the other book reviews and see what people said they do for their rituals and maybe we'll be inspired to try something!! 

4) The book was categorized by the publisher as one of its "issue books," dealing with "children's problems and special needs." Other books in the series address topics like autism, epilepsy, and stuttering. What do think about a book on open adoption being characterized that way?

I was completely unaware that this book was categorized in this manner. To be honest, it offends me a bit that adoption is considered an issue and something that deals with a child's problem or special need.

While I can understand that it's a specialized topic, and not everyone can relate to adoption, I don't think it's fair to consider it a problem. Adoption is just one way that a family is created. This book was written in 2005, which isn't that long ago, so I'm not sure why adoption is being treated like something from the 50s or 60s.

It's unsettling to me to know that when this book was being discussed, the people at Albert Whitman & Company actually discussed how to categorize this and someone had the notion to say it's an issue book in the same series as books on autism, epilepsy, and stuttering, which are all medical problems. Adoption is not a medical issue and shouldn't be lumped together with books about medical/special needs issues. Grrrrr.

   

5) Sometimes when a person reads a picture book about adoption and something rattles something somewhere inside, but they ignore the warning because the book is so cute and mostly so good. Did you have any of those moments in this book?

I did not, but I'm curious to see if others did. I thought the book was good. Not the greatest book I've ever read about open adoption, but it was positive and I like the relationship that Megan and Kendra had. 

Here's my rating:

 

Quick Update

I know you've been asking, "Where are the blog posts???" Let me just say that the time I had before Hugh is not the same that I have now! He loves to snuggle and I can't won't put him down so you have to be patient and enjoy my posts when they do happen.

First off, let me say that Hugh has been sleeping for eight hours at a time at night for the past four nights in a row! He turned two months and suddenly started sleeping eight solid hours. It's been glorious!!! :-)

Our oldest boy... my sweet sweet Gustafer has decided that he wants to pee in the potty. So he does. He's basically potty training himself! He asks to go potty and if we ask him if he needs to go, he usually says yes or no and means it. It's literally shocking to me that he's going potty on the potty. My MIL and FIL just asked about him being potty trained and I said, "He's not ready... we won't even start until this summer when he's at least three." Sure enough, the same day, maybe the following day, he decided to go to the bathroom on the little potty in our bathroom.

Gus has been doing really well with his OT visits. She works with him for an hour and they do a combo of gross-motor (jumping, throwing, kicking, hoping, crashing) and fine-motor (cutting, beading, stacking) activities. She's helping me with transitions and getting Gus to help focus more. I need to ask her about some suggestions for when we're dining out and how to get him to handle being out in a restaurant. We usually give him his iPad to play with to keep him entertained, but I'd love to be able to take him to eat without it. Then again, he is two.

Lastly, I've been asking begging and pestering Steve about a minivan for a while. As soon as we knew about Hugh I started creating my own Toyota Sienna on the Toyota website. Of course, Steve shot down the idea of a minivan every time. But once Hugh came home and the daily routine kicked in... I seriously started the nagging.

Over the last two weeks I've been blocked into my car like five time. By this I mean someone has parked so friggin' close to my car, that I cannot open either the passenger door to get Hugh in, or the driver's side door and passenger door to get Gus in.

I've had to put them into the very back, painfully (and not a pretty sight I may add) squeeze myself into my driver's seat and pull forward enough (or into another spot) so I can get the boys into their seats. The big issue would be the doors. They just don't open wide enough to get the boys in comfortably.

So this happened yesterday at the store. I was LIVID. I had sent Steve a picture of a minivan (as another nagging reminder) and he said, "You're barking up the wrong tree." I was beyond upset. So when he got home, I explained my day and my reasoning for being so upset about my car. He ran some numbers and told me to look for a car.

I found my dream car. It has everything I wanted. Leather seats. DVD player. Radio controls in the steering wheel. Steve called on it this morning, worked out the details of trading in Chuck Dio (my Ford Edge) and we went this afternoon and came home with our newest addition: Lex.

He's named Lex because someone jokingly said to me, "You know Toyota and Lexus are the same thing right? A Toyota Sienna is basically a Lexus minivan." So there he is... Lex.  :-))

Okay-- enough from here. Gotta go to bed!! Nite nite!!