Why Didn't I Think of That??

Sometimes I can be really dense. 

This weekend I was reminded again of how awesome open adoption is.

It started on accident, I suppose. Steve came across a post to Gus's birth mother's father on Facebook. The post was to him from his sister and she was asking about getting copies of the Santa picture.

Steve tagged me in a comment and asked if we could help. 

When I read through the post and comments, I literally had to sit back because a new relationship entered into our family. 

We've grown very close to Gus's birth mom's family. They are such wonderful people and have embraced us as their own since the day we joined together. Part of the love we have for them comes from how we were matched with Gus's birth mom. We naturally have a connection to his birth mom's side, because that's where the match came from (my cousin and Gus's birth mom's aunt were co-workers and good friends).

Gus's birth mom's mom and dad and brothers have been the people that we usually see on our trip north (along with Gus's birth father's family). We've met his birth mom's grandma (Great-Grandma Marge for Gus), as well as his birth father's mom's mom (his Great Grandma on that side). We met his birth father's father's mother when he was like a week old, but that's the only time we met her.

Anyway... don't know why I never thought about his birth mom's father (Tony) and his family, but the thought of them never entered my mind.

Like I said, I can be dense sometimes.

So when Tony's sister posted on his wall and asked him about getting pictures for their mom and dad (which would be great-grandparents for Gus), I was surprised. The fact that they care about Gus and want to see pictures of him just touched my heart. I instantly felt terrible for never even thinking about them in the beautiful equation that is our open adoption.

Steve and I offered our help and learned that they are not on the computer, so getting the picture via email isn't possible. Tony said that the next time we're in MI, he'd like to bring them to meet Gus. My heart swelled. How awesome.

When we went to bed last night, we talked about the situation. Steve wasn't even thinking right and was thinking about Great Grandma Marge... and I said, "No... this is Tony's side... " and with that, Steve said, "Oooooohhhhhh...." BINGO.

I guess we can both be dense. LOL

I just feel really honored to have the privilege of getting to know the wonderful extended family members on Gus's side of our family. I want them to know him and to feel connected to him, and I hope he enjoys meeting them. I hope that when we go to MI in the spring, he is able to meet Tony's side of the family and that it's not a one time visit.

It just makes me so happy and thankful that we have the open adoption that we have with them. I never want Gus to wonder where he comes from, who all of his family members are, and I want him to always know how many people love him and care about him. Even if we don't get to see them often, his side of our family is as important as my side is and Steve's side is.

When we have the honor of adding another child into our family, it's super important to us that Gus's side accept that baby and treat them like it's their grand child, great grand child, niece/nephew. And the birth family of the next baby should accept Gus into their family too.

We are a package deal and we all come together. Whether there's three of us, four of us, or even five of us (Steve doesn't want more than two kids... but you never know what God will bring you), we are all a family and our kiddos should be treated with love and kindness by all the family members in our family orchard.

A Year of Gratitude #71

 

A Year of Gratitude #71: Unexpected Visitors

 

Gus with his Great Aunt Sharon and cousin Olivia

Last night we got a call from Sharon, (Gus's birth mom's aunt) letting us know that she and Olivia were driving to Tampa from Michigan, and would be passing through Atlanta. She wanted to know if we were interested in meeting up in the morning for breakfast. To our delight, when we offered our home for them to stay the night with us, they accepted!!

Around 1:40 this morning, they arrived! It was so great to see them! We had not seen them since August. We got them settled into the guest suite in the basement and told them we'd see them in the morning!

With springing forward and losing an hour, Gus was up early and we all felt "off." Around 9ish, Sharon came up and was heading to the car to get some meds for Olivia. She got her first peek at Gus and was so excited to see him. He was excited to see her too. They played for a bit and then we went downstairs to see Olivia and play down there for a bit.

 

Gus and Sharon playing

We had a WONDERFUL visit with them and then headed out to IHOP for breakfast. Our breakfast was great and Gus spent a little bit of time on his Great Aunt Sharon's lap looking at her phone. It was such a wonderful way to spend a Sunday morning! 

Here are some of my favorite pictures from their visit:

 

Mr. Wiggle-butt

 

Watching Gus

 

:-)

 

So cute

We headed to the cars and said our goodbyes. We told them that they're more than welcome to stay with us on their way back from FL... we'll see. It was so sweet to see them with Gus and made my heart swell to see how much joy Gus brings everyone.

 

Walking to the cars with Great Aunt Sharon and Daddy

 

:-(  Saying goodbye to Olivia

 

I adore this picture!! Gus saying goodbye to his Great Aunt Sharon

When we drove home, I said to Steve, "We have such a WONDERFUL adoption." It makes me so happy to know that with our open adoption, Gus's biological extended family gets to see him and know him (and us). I feel like we really expanded our family and it feels like we've known them for years. 

I know adoption isn't easy and open adoption can be so hard- but it's days like today, that make me so very proud to be apart of something so very special. I'm so grateful to know that Gus will grow up knowing his roots and will have connections to the people that matter most in life... our family.

A Year of Gratitude #27

 

A Year of Gratitude #27: Gus's Birth Family

I know I blogged about Gus's birth parents a few weeks ago, but tonight I want to express my gratitude for Gus's extended birth family.

As you know, we have an incredibly wonderful open adoption with Gus's side to our family. We value them in our family and are so thankful that God brought us all together. They're wacky, have their quirks, and are just like any typical family that you'd meet. They're, as my brother likes to say, "good people."

The main reason we wanted an open adoption was for the extended family. Yes, we wanted it for the birth parents, of course, but we also really wanted the extended family to know their kin as well. When someone chooses adoption, sometimes, there are family members who get hurt with that decision.

While it might be the best thing for the baby, and the best thing for the birth parents, the extended family members often don't see it that way. Such is the case with Gus. His birth mother's mother P was very supportive and told her that she'd support whatever C and H needed to do. If they wanted to keep the baby and parent, she would support them. If they felt that placing for adoption was the best thing, she'd support that as well.

H wasn't as fortunate. He didn't tell his mom and dad that he and C had had a baby until two days AFTER Gus was placed in our care. Let me write that again... two days AFTER Gus was born (Thursday, May 13th), he told his parents that they were grandparents. When he told them, he said, "C had a baby." His mom basically said, "What do you mean she had a baby? Where is it? What happened to it?"

Can you imagine, for a second, what that must have felt like? To have your child tell you that you're a grandparent... and it happened two days prior to you finding out???? When H told her that they placed Gus for adoption, his mom cried and was very hurt. Looking back, I see things differently, and I think, how could she not have been upset?

H has three sisters: B (15), D (17) and L(21). They are all three friends with Gus on Facebook (all of H's immediate family are FB friends with Gus-- except for his dad because he doesn't have a FB account). I'm friends with D and L as well as H's mom L.

C has two brothers, N and Z. Not sure of their ages, but they're older than her. Gus is FB friends with C, P and her dad T. He is not FB friends with either of his biological uncles... they haven't friended him, and I assume if they wanted to be friends with him, they'd take care of it. I'm not going to push them.

C's mom's sister Sharon is on Facebook... along with Sharon's husband Mike, and their three kids (Olivia, Madeline, and Michael). They're a great family and so supportive of Gus's adoption. Gus and I are FB friends with all of them (and C, P and T). We're also FB friends with C's grandma Marge. My mom is even FB friends with Marge and some of Gus's other extended family.

I'm thankful that not only do his birth parents want to know about him and care about him, but so does his extended family. He has aunts, cousins, grandparents, and great grandparents that care deeply about him. I get text messages from them, I send pictures to them, and they're so special to us.

One of Gus's aunt posted a picture on FB tonight that just warmed my heart. It was a collage of pictures of Gus and on the bottom it said "Gus Daniel Walker" and there were four or five pictures of him. She posted it to her pictures... it was so sweet. It's so nice to know that he was on her mind and she made the collage while thinking about him. <3

I read something today that totally made me smile... it was taking the concept of a family tree and instead of using a tree as a representation of a family, you use an orchard. I saw it and said, "Yes! Our Family Orchard!!" How awesome is that??? We're all different trees with different apples... but together we're one big orchard of love.

I'm so thankful for our orchard and thankful that the people that share the same blood as Gus... have welcomed us into their lives, and allow us to share in their daily lives. They have made us feel like we're an extension of their family and for that, I am so very thankful.