Why Didn't I Think of That??

Sometimes I can be really dense. 

This weekend I was reminded again of how awesome open adoption is.

It started on accident, I suppose. Steve came across a post to Gus's birth mother's father on Facebook. The post was to him from his sister and she was asking about getting copies of the Santa picture.

Steve tagged me in a comment and asked if we could help. 

When I read through the post and comments, I literally had to sit back because a new relationship entered into our family. 

We've grown very close to Gus's birth mom's family. They are such wonderful people and have embraced us as their own since the day we joined together. Part of the love we have for them comes from how we were matched with Gus's birth mom. We naturally have a connection to his birth mom's side, because that's where the match came from (my cousin and Gus's birth mom's aunt were co-workers and good friends).

Gus's birth mom's mom and dad and brothers have been the people that we usually see on our trip north (along with Gus's birth father's family). We've met his birth mom's grandma (Great-Grandma Marge for Gus), as well as his birth father's mom's mom (his Great Grandma on that side). We met his birth father's father's mother when he was like a week old, but that's the only time we met her.

Anyway... don't know why I never thought about his birth mom's father (Tony) and his family, but the thought of them never entered my mind.

Like I said, I can be dense sometimes.

So when Tony's sister posted on his wall and asked him about getting pictures for their mom and dad (which would be great-grandparents for Gus), I was surprised. The fact that they care about Gus and want to see pictures of him just touched my heart. I instantly felt terrible for never even thinking about them in the beautiful equation that is our open adoption.

Steve and I offered our help and learned that they are not on the computer, so getting the picture via email isn't possible. Tony said that the next time we're in MI, he'd like to bring them to meet Gus. My heart swelled. How awesome.

When we went to bed last night, we talked about the situation. Steve wasn't even thinking right and was thinking about Great Grandma Marge... and I said, "No... this is Tony's side... " and with that, Steve said, "Oooooohhhhhh...." BINGO.

I guess we can both be dense. LOL

I just feel really honored to have the privilege of getting to know the wonderful extended family members on Gus's side of our family. I want them to know him and to feel connected to him, and I hope he enjoys meeting them. I hope that when we go to MI in the spring, he is able to meet Tony's side of the family and that it's not a one time visit.

It just makes me so happy and thankful that we have the open adoption that we have with them. I never want Gus to wonder where he comes from, who all of his family members are, and I want him to always know how many people love him and care about him. Even if we don't get to see them often, his side of our family is as important as my side is and Steve's side is.

When we have the honor of adding another child into our family, it's super important to us that Gus's side accept that baby and treat them like it's their grand child, great grand child, niece/nephew. And the birth family of the next baby should accept Gus into their family too.

We are a package deal and we all come together. Whether there's three of us, four of us, or even five of us (Steve doesn't want more than two kids... but you never know what God will bring you), we are all a family and our kiddos should be treated with love and kindness by all the family members in our family orchard.

Baby Veronica

I have a lot of thoughts about adoption right now. They're rather unrelated to each other, but all about adoption. I'm going to do a few posts... this shall be my first.

Baby Veronica

If you're not familiar with the Baby Veronica case, let me share the basics. When Veronica's mom was pregnant with her, she decided that she wanted to place her for adoption. She picked the family to adopt her (the Capobiancos) and was able to have the baby's father sign something saying that he would not contest the adoption once TPR was signed. 

Veronica's biological father is part Cherokee and registered to the tribe, which means that when Veronica was born, she too was part Cherokee.

This baby was born, the adoptive father cut her umbilical cord. The family welcomed Veronica's birth mother into their family and they shared an open adoption. They were under the assumption that Veronica's biological father had signed TPR... but he didn't. :-(  At four months old, he wanted custody and began fighting for her. 

This is the part that I'm torn about. While on one hand, I think it's horrible that he declared that he wanted nothing to do with the baby while the birth mom was pregnant, and wanted nothing to do with Veronica once she was born, the fact that he never signed TPR makes it pretty clear (unfortunately). The really unfortunate part is that instead of preparing themselves for the realities of the situation, the family got attorneys involved and began a legal battle that has been going on for over two years. 

On January 1st, 2012, at two years old, Veronica was ordered back into the care of her biological father and the Capobianco family was left with NOTHING. 

The thought of my two year old son being removed from my home and taken out of state (they are in SC and she was taken to Oklahoma) is so scary. He IS my son and we've been raising him AS our son. They were doing the same. So it's heart-wrenching to know that their baby girl was taken from their family and they may never see her again.

It's horrible to think about the possibilities of this happening, and unfortunately, this case has stirred up the media and the general (uninformed and ignorant) public as well. This is the true reason for my post.

I've read some really HORRIBLE comments about this case. People have said that the adoptive family should have known better, that they weren't her "real" parents and that children are better off with their "real" parents over anyone else. I've read that because the adoption was never final, the Capobiancos don't deserve to call her their daughter. 

This case was taken to the SC Supreme Court and was lost with a 3-2 ruling in favor of the father. The family is fighting because the father is trying to stand on the Indian Child Welfare Act as a way to keep his daughter. The ICWA was created in order to ensure that registered Native American children can stay within their tribes and not be taken out of tribes and raised by non-natives. The premise makes sense, but in this particular situation, it makes NO sense. Veronica was never on a reservation and her biological mother is not a registered member of a tribe.

I hope the US Supreme Court agrees to hear this case. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing. I mean, the father NEVER signed TPR... so that's the risk they took with taking her into their custody. They've been fighting this since she was four months, so it's not like it was a huge surprise that she was possibly going to have to be relinquished back to her biological father.

I watched Anderson Cooper 360 and they did an interview with the Capobianco family. It was so hard to watch and I cried as I watched them talk about their daughter and they showed pictures of her as a newborn through age two. They ended the interview in Veronica's room and there were toys and pictures and it looked as if she had just left the room. They may not ever have her back in their home, they may not ever see her again, and it was so sad to watch their anguish about the loss of their daughter.

What's bothered me most about this case are the comments though. I mean, on Facebook, the Adoptive Families Magazine posted something about this and there were almost 100 comments about the situation. I'm going to say that EASILY 85% of the comments were bashing the adoptive family and using really hurtful comments.

It's appalling when I read statements about children needing to be with their "real" families. I'm sorry... does that mean that adoptive parents are fake?

Calling birth families the "natural" families. Does that mean our family is unnatural? It's so incredibly hurtful to read comments like that. How we become a family is the work of God. Some people are NOT able to get pregnant and cannot conceive a child. It's not fair, and it's painful, but not everyone is cut out to adopt a child. There are people who just can't do it... and honestly, they shouldn't. Just like there are parents who just can't be parents. They know that for whatever reason, it's not something they want to do, and so they make the loving choice to give their child the best life possible. They place them for adoption (please notice that I didn't say they GIVE THEM UP).

Not everyone SHOULD be parents, whether or not they CAN be parents. So because of this, adoption exists and families are blended and created. It shouldn't be seen as a bad thing, and yet, through the Baby Veronica case, I've learned that there are a LOT of really nasty, negative people out there with really horrible views on adoption.

I'm not sure what the point is of this post... I guess I just feel like I need to share what I'm thinking about it. 

In regards to Baby Veronica... I sincerely hope that if the courts determine that she must stay with her biological father (yes, the same father who did NOTHING to support her biological mother throughout her entire pregnancy and beyond)... I pray that he really takes care of her and loves her the way that she deserves to be loved. She shouldn't be a pawn and treated as a prize to be won. I also pray that he let the Capobianco family see her and talk to her. She will need some serious therapy when she's growing up and I pray he makes sure she gets the help that she'll need.

If the court determines that the Capobianco family gets custody of her (which I highly doubt will happen), I pray that they are able to find peace and allow her to continue knowing her biological family, including the father who is now involved. 

What a mess. 

The lesson to this story is that if you adopt a baby, you better make sure that both the biological parents sign TPR before you let yourself get attached to the baby. If the father cannot be found, do all that legally has to happen to track him down or exhaust all resources to show that you did all that you could to locate him. 

My heart hurts for that family and for the little girl that they've lost and may never have back into their lives.

Sick

When we left Florida last Sunday, as soon as we got into the car, I could tell that I was bringing home a special gift. I had a sore throat, stuffy nose, and I just didn't feel right.

Fast-forward to almost two weeks now, and I am STILL sick!! I am not as bad as the first week home, but I am still not 100% up to par. My head is still stuffy and I'm congested and sound like I swallowed a frog.

Gus is also sick, and we ended up taking him to urgent care on Saturday because he was coughing a lot and had a fever. Fortunately, he didn't have anything bacterial so it's just a cold. 

I think maybe it's stress. I don't know. I just hope I start to feel better this weekend!! We're going on Sunday to have Gus's picture taken with Santa!! Should be fun!!!

Disney Recap: Saturday, November 17th, 2012

 

DAY FIVE

We had a WONDERFUL time at the Magic Kingdom on Friday, but we kinda felt like it was only going to be even more crowded on Saturday. We were pretty much "over" all the people and figured we did all that we thought Gus would enjoy, so why not try another park?

The only snag in our plan was that we had 4:20 dinner reservations for Chef Mickey's. When we first learned about our trip to Disney months ago, I immediately went on and booked reservations for dinner for us. We planned on eating breakfast in our room, so we didn't need breakfast reservations, and we figured we could do counter-service lunches, so it was just dinner to plan for.

Let me just say that as soon as someone knows they're going to WDW, the first thing to do is get your dinner reservations because the restaurants fill up so quickly!!! Our 4:20 at Chef Mickey's was the ONLY available time for the entire time that we were in WDW! I immediately snatched it up and was excited that we had reserved a spot at this most-coveted restaurant.

Why is it so coveted you ask? It's a character dinner (buffet) with the Fab Five (Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, and Pluto). It's the perfect place to eat and have the characters come to you!! You're guaranteed pictures and interaction with the Fab Five!!

So, when we made our plans, 4:20 wasn't the best time, but we had planned on going to MK that day and could just go back to MK after dinner. So, our decision to go to another park, stunk because we had to leave this other park and be at Chef Mickey's (in the Contemporary) by 4:20.

We decided to take my fabulous friend Krissy's advice and go to Epcot. It's her favorite park and she highly recommended it and assured me that Gus would love it. And of course, she was right again! So, we spent the morning getting ready and then we headed to the front desk to see about getting a later dinner reservation (at which the guy laughed at me because he knew it was IMPOSSIBLE, but he checked anyway). No such luck with moving dinner back... so we headed out the door to enjoy as much of our day at Epcot as possible.

 

Baby man was ready to go!

 

Putting his socks on all by himself!

We had to take the monorail from Grand Floridian to the Transfer and Ticket station and catch the Epcot monorail. From there it was about 5-10 minutes and we arrived at the park.

 

Gus did a GREAT job on the monorail!

 

The Grand Floridian from a distance!

 

Arriving at Epcot!

 

So awesome!!

So we get off the monorail and head toward the baggage check area (which BTW is so annoying...) and then we started to go to the gate and Steve realizes that he doesn't have his park ticket... just his MVMCP ticket from Friday night.

So instead of freaking out, we went to the ticket booth and thanks to technology, the cast member was able to look up our names and got Steve a replacement ticket! It was a matter of seconds and so awesome. Had this happened back in the day of paper tickets, we would have been screwed.

I just realized that I forgot to say how weird it is that when you go to a park for the first time using your ticket, you scan your index finger... and then it's saved with your ticket and each time you use it, you scan your print to make sure that it's you using your ticket. Kinda nifty right??

Anyway, so we headed into the park and Steve called his Uncle Randy to figure out when we'd be able to see him and Emilee, and we decided that we could see them after dinner! We had our evening planned and we headed in and I noticed a VERY small line and both Daisy and Goofy!! We immediately headed over and stood in line for Gus to meet his first two characters!

 

Having a snack while Daddy called Uncle Randy

   

Daisy autographing Gus's book

 

He was so excited to see her!

 

The way he was looking at her was soooooo cute!!!

After seeing Daisy, we headed over and saw Goofy!

 

Goofy is SUPER tall!!!

We were excited to have met two characters and that we didn't have to wait long to see them. We headed out to see where we could grab lunch and decided to try the Cantina on the Lagoon.

After lunch we headed to The Land and thought we'd see about Gus being tall enough for the ride called Soarin. He was not the required 40" so we decided to head to Living with the Land. It was a water tour and we got to see the greenhouse and a fish farm. Gus liked it.

 

Such a silly monkey!

 

I seriously love this child!! 

 

On the boat (Living with the Land)

After our Living with the Land ride, we headed over to The Seas with Nemo and Friends and we enjoyed getting on a "clamobile" and taking a ride through the movie Finding Nemo. It was really cute! After the ride, we explored the fish tanks and then on the way out, we got Gus a bubble gun that blows many many bubbles and made him a VERY VERY happy boy!!

 

Heading to Nemo!

 

Gus and Steve :-)

 

Pointing at Nemo

 

The best part was the seagulls that kept saying, "Mine...Mine... Mine" like in the movie!

Once inside, we boarded our clamobile and took a ride into the movie!

 

Bruce

 

Mr. Ray

 

Crush and Squirt

 

My favorite... Peach

 

Marlin and Nemo

 

Crush and Squirt in the EAC

 

Marlin, Nemo and Dori

 

Gus and Steve inside Bruce at the play area 

 

Checking out the manatees

 

Gus and his bubble gun

 

He played for a bit and then we headed to Spaceship Earth

By the time we finished on Spaceship Earth, we only had a little bit of time left before we needed to get back on the monorail to make it to the restaurant on time. We had a snack and shared a drink and then we got back on the monorail. We had just enough time because we arrived at Chef Mickey's right at 4:20!

 

Waiting for our friends to visit before leaving the table to grab food...

 

No idea what's about to happen!

I HIGHLY recommend Chef Mickey's! We WILL go back. Not just because we loved seeing Gus with the characters, but because the food was AWESOME! The best food that we ate while at Disney. I guess some would say that we didn't eat very well then, but we really enjoyed the selection at the buffet and we both found plenty that we liked.

The first friend that Gus got to see was Goofy. Gus was VERY excited to give him his book to sign.

 

Watching so closely!

After Goofy left, we were visited by Mickey Mouse!! "Ma mauche"

 

WOAH!!!

 

So excited to have Mickey sign his book!

Right after Mickey was Donald Duck and Gus was super excited to see Donald!

 

 

Look at the love in his eyes!!!

 

He wanted to hold Donald's hand

 

Checking him out

Right behind Donald was Pluto!

 

"Tu-tow"

 It was a while before Minnie came to see us, so we grabbed some food. While we had dinner, there was a special celebration dance and everyone waved their napkins and the characters walked around and danced. Gus loved it!

 

Donald patted Gus on the head as he walked by!

 

Waving his blue napkin with the music!

Finally, Minnie came over to see us and we thought our night was complete!

 

In love!!

  

Patiently waiting for her

 

Awwww

We had some dessert and then... the characters came by AGAIN!!!!

 

An Oreo topped with chocolate mousse and chips for ears... Gus loved it!

 

Donald came by again and I got a picture of Steve with him!

 

Giving Donald a"high sive"

 

Mickey came back too and wanted another hug!!

 

When Mickey went to leave...

 

Gus wanted to hold his hand one last time!

 

:-)

We had such a magical dinner... it really was worth every penny and I wish that every family could enjoy the pleasure of watching their kiddos eat and interact with their favorite characters. We are so blessed to be able to provide such a fabulous opportunity for Gus!!

We headed back to the monorail and then made it to the Grand Floridian. We stopped at the gift shop to see about getting Gus a Mickey stocking, and then I got a key chain and Gus picked up Chip and Dale. We also got some pictures of the Christmas tree in the lobby.

 

Picking out Chip and Dale

 

It's officially finished!

We headed to the room to wait for Uncle Randy and Emilee!

In no time at all, Steve left to meet Uncle Randy and then we all headed to the pool so the kids could play and swim. We were there until the pool closed at 8 (and everyone was cold) and we headed back to the room to hang out while Gus and Emilee played.

 

Over in the big pool

 

Going down the slide!

 

One of my favorite pictures!

We really had a magical vacation and while it was too short, it was perfect for our first time as a family. The next time we go, we'll be better prepared for what to expect, and hopefully we'll get to see Disney through Gus's eyes again as an older child. This trip is one that he won't remember, but we will forever. The next one he'll remember for sure.