OAR #44: What Openness Means to Me
For me, openness means stability.
We have a very open adoption with Gus's birth family. His entire birth family knows that he's adopted and they all look forward to hearing about him. They enjoy pictures, texts, videos, and Facebook posts. More than anything else, they enjoy visits and getting time with him.
As Gus has gotten older, the visits have become more fun because he likes to play and interact with his birth family. I love how open our relationship is because for me, I think about the future.
I think about what Gus will ask about his adoption, and I wonder what he will need from us and his birth parents. By having an open adoption, I feel like we can provide him with answers and some stability.
The answers are essential to his development and his well-being. I want him to always know that his birth parents love him and made the decision to place him into our arms because they knew what was best for him. It'll be different to have it come from us than to have his birth parents tell him directly. It'll also be different to have us say, "C and H love you so much" versus him hearing it directly from C and H.
When I think about openness, I am overwhelmed with a sense of peace and calm. It's reassuring to know that our children's birth families will always be there in some way.
With Hugh, his birth father is unknown and will never be part of his life. While part of me worries about how this will affect him, I know that the relationship we have with his birth mom MORE than makes up for this. She is amazing.
I know that there will be questions that Hugh has that Gus won't ever have to ask. When it's time to talk to Hugh about his adoption and the reason his birth mother placed him into our family, she will be right there with us. She's such an important part of our family and an amazing piece to the puzzle.
Because we have open adoptions with each of our boys, I feel like I have tools to help provide stability beyond what my husband and I can provide. When things go beyond our ability to help and answer, we have the most important and critical people there to help guide us.
Open adoption is so amazing for so many reasons. I'm proud to be an adoptive mom and to have created my family through adoption. Because of adoption we have so many people in our lives that love our kids and love us. We are so incredibly blessed!